Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IS IT IMPORTANT TO OWN A HOME ?


monica0407 3 / 4 1  
Aug 6, 2020   #1

In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people

.
Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?


Nowadays, in several nations, people believe that owing a home is acknowledged that is more essential than hiring a place for living. There is a reason for this and I suppose this is a positive situation.

People think that a home ownership is more important the other because it gives them a sense of belonging. In other words, they will want to protect and maintain their own house if they have. For example, when someone possess a house, this house is usually decorated by its owners. Because of that, all of things in the house such as furniture will completely suits for those possessors, which make them belong to those places. Therefore, individuals do not want to pay for the expense of renting accommodations.

In my opinion, this behavior is totally positive because of its benefit. To be clear, if people own a home, they will settle their life. For instance, some individuals regularly change their living places due to inconveniences and annoyance from the houses which are not decorated for themselves. Those can easily comfort in their own after possessing and repairing to suit for them. As a result, they will have a chance to stabilize in a certain place without repetitive movements. Furthermore, a property possession can raise people's social status. Specifically, people will have a better perspective from others in the society compared to individuals who must spend on a rent expense.

In conclusion, I believe that people want to own a house rather than pay a fixed amount of money for hiring because a home will give them a sense of belonging and this affects positively on their life because of its advantage.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,355 3367  
Aug 6, 2020   #2
You should never offer a voice of uncertainty in the essay. You are scored on the strength of your decision based on your chosen opinion. By saying "suppose", that means that you are not convinced of the opinion you chose. Therefore, your defense will be weak and questionable. Always have a voice of authority and conviction. Clearly support an opinion and discuss why. Never say "I am not sure" in the discussion, it will affect your overall score.

You need to write with clarity. In the first paragraph, your first sentence is a bit confusing to read. The structure is not clear enough. You could have simply said:

Several nations believe that it is better to own a house instead of leasing one. This is the case because... Due to this reason, I believe this is a positive situation.

Such a format would have been clearer and also, properly outlined the discussion points as required in the paragraph. That is what the instructions require of the writer.

Good job on using first person pronouns to indicate your clear opinion. Good work on the example as well/ It helped to support the first reason, which means your essay is coherent and cohesive. You should get an acceptable score in that section.

More work needed on the concluding statement. You should be summarizing the discussion topics for the reader. It should not be in the form of a run on sentence. The 3-5 sentence requirement still applies.
nhiuyen 2 / 2  
Aug 7, 2020   #3
hey , there are some grammar mistakes in your writing , i would like to help
fixed
+ when someone possesses
+ will completely suit for
+Those cans easily


Home / Writing Feedback / IS IT IMPORTANT TO OWN A HOME ?