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It is important to rest the mind during leisure time.


Chau Tran 1 / -  
Jan 12, 2017   #1
Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.

Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.


time for relax



In the nonstop developing world nowadays, many people are being stressed out by hectic life, much to the point that barely do they have any leisure time. As the length of time for relax is becoming shorter and shorter, many people argue that we should spend the time doing activities that improve the mind. Meanwhile many people stick to their opinion that leisure time should be used to rest the mind. Personally they both have their points but I think it is better to alternate both usages.

There is no doubt that nowadays if you want to prove yourself to the world you have to invest in your mind as well as your health. Many people understand this fact and they start to make use of their leisure time to improve their mind in order to keep up with the competitive society. It may seem like they are misusing the real purpose of leisure time which is to have fun but actually they are not at all. Activities like reading, doing word puzzles, Sudoku and etc. are not that boring. In contrast, they are pretty fun because they make the brain to work to solve the problem. People will feel very challenging and engaging. Besides, these games are usually made very attractive with beautiful colors, shapes in apps and etc. which provoke people's interest.

However, we do have to accept that mind-improving games can make you use more energy not to mention that you can be exhausted after the time which is supposed to help you relax and release stress. This can lead to serious problem as you may have no more energy left to continue working and your work can be badly affected. Therefore, in my opinion, it is better to alternate both usages which means that you can play mind-improving games in your leisure time but just to a certain extent and don't overwork your brain as it need to get a rest as well.

In conclusion, all play no learn is not good but all learn no play cannot lead to stable success. We all need to find a harmony between them even in our free time.

Bennyoooo 8 / 19 8  
Jan 12, 2017   #2
It's good enough, so I don't have much advice to correct it, but I have some suggestions for you if you want higher score.

1. You should try to write more words. You're essay is just too short and not strong enough.

2. you should use " , " correctly. Use it before a "but" and after a " if" sentence, which you didn't do.

3. In your body paragraph you can employ some personal experiences, survey results or celebraties' anecdotes to help you prove your point.

Hope it will help.
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Jan 13, 2017   #3
Hello,
I think the article is nice and you address your statement clearly.
There are few things I would like to suggest.
When I read your article, especially paragraph two, I think it is lengthy. It could be better if you can simplify the sentence as as to let the reader understand quickly.

Next, I feel some points of few are digress which might impact on your task accuracy score. For example, the games you mentioned on your body paragraph.

Hope it helps!
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,804 2614  
Jan 14, 2017   #4
Chau, while your essay speaks of valid reasons for resting the mind during leisure time, it fails to take into account that the human brain is constantly analyzing, solving problems, and functioning to keep the whole system of life running our bodies. Therefore, it is important that the brain totally rest in order to allow parts of it to totally rest while the rest of the brain keeps our life systems going. In my opinion, the flaw of your essay is in its line of reasoning that fails to consider the fact that the brain, when made to rest by still doing analytical activities causes headaches, migraines, and other health issues in people. Since you failed to consider the health aspect of the brain itself, the discussion becomes ill advised and shows that the writer does not have a full understanding or ability to consider all aspects of the provided prompt. While you could get an acceptable score for this essay, you could have gotten an even better score if you had done a more serious analysis of the prompt requirements based on mental health issues as well.


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