Please Grade my Essay out of 12 and thanks I am an International student This is my SAT Essay:
SAT Essay 2007
Assignment:
How important is to seek the opinions of others when making significant personal decisions ?
Essay:
Without question, the most vital decision one can make is for him/ her. Though others opinions may swing ones initial thought. History, politic and Literature,have exemplified the power of making decisions without others assistance.
Sometimes, others opinions are stabs toward original, innovative and creative decisions especially when it comes to politic. History depicts the efficaciousness of following one's heart. One example is that of Jimmy Carter (U.S. President in 1970's) who was the one who took the initiative, regardless from opinion polls, political analysts and western governments by reconciling the biggest opponents in Middle East: Egypt and Israel. He led the high-tension zone to peace by pushing these two nations into truce negotiations which finish by signing Camp David treaty in 1979. Audiences all-over the world applauds such step in the way of peace which demonstrate his vision, awareness and long sight: A rehab that prevent people from the vows of war until the fall of 2000. Before this intervention, leaders and communities thought that peace cannot be established anymore especially after Yum Kippur war 1973 but Jimmy Carter proves that such sensible decisions must be taken with both responsibility and boldness, regarding others opinions. Thus, history proves that he is right. Second example is that during American Revolution in 18th century, American leaders choose to set off the war against Britain Empire after drafting the declaration of independence. Authors like Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin oppose the war as absurd because Britain was in the apex of power colonizing all over the globe (East Africa, South Africa, Australia and North America). But finally, history shows that their decision is perfectly correct.
The American dream or The Western Dream that many immigrate chased can never be reached with seeking mother, father, relatives and even friends' opinions. Such experience depends only on your determination, your ambition, your iron-will. It has nothing to do with other. No one can feel one's misery. Opinions can be deceptive and can keep you far away from your goal. But, for many a third world citizen, this experience worth it, no matter the hurdles, he make his choice and leave his wooden neck and go to the Promised Land. Malcolm X, one of the greatest African American activists in history was in fact an immigrant from Ghana , thus he becomes a minister ,a defender of human rights especially the right of blacks for a no-segregation society. Mario Balotelli, an Italian with African roots, reaches Europe coast in a commodity boat and now he is one of the best football players in the world what can they be if they remain in Africa? Did they will reach fame? "I don't think so». Sometimes choosing one's own road without influence is better then seeking others opinions based on old clichés and fear.
It's particularly doubtful and even dangerous to listen to others without a solid judgement that guild our decision and help us distinguish right from wrong. Without moral compass we can be lured by sins such as greed, vanity and self-congruatelary. Shakespeare's play "Macbeth" illustrates this point, when Lady Macbeth convinced her husband to kill the king. Macbeth refused at first but after he follows the lady's advices, commit the regicide and strip his sanity. This act never brings him a better life because he was wretched by hallucination and sleeplessness even after being a king after killing the king Duncan. A sense of guilt invaded him and might mares haunted his sleep making him remember bitterly the murdering, Just because he followed others advices.
I see that you concentrate more in the political view, and the american society. Actually the political decisions are made according to strategic plans that are made to achieve several goals (personal or not), and in most of time the decision is not personal.
the personal decision is when you decide to buy a new apartment ( as an example), you see the opinion of several people about the place, the price .. etc, and then you decide where will you get your apartment, because this is finally your own apartment that you will live in, no one will share it with you.
the assignment is well organised and written in a very arranged way.
I hope this will be useful to you.
In support of Ayman's comments, I would like to add that it would be best for you to rewrite this essay. Regardless of the grammar and punctuation problems, you did not answer the prompt properly. Rather than discussing a personal decision, you chose to discuss political decisions and decisions made in a play. That has nothing to do with personal decisions. So you need to start over and discuss the essay prompt instead.
If you must use a story to illustrate your point, use a personal story about say, how you had to choose what university to attend and how you made a personal decision when considering your choices. Discuss how you spoke to your parents, friends, and other relatives to get their input on the matter and how their opinions helped you in making your personal decision. That way you answer the prompt about how important the opinions of other people are when making a personal decision.
Overall, I would rate this a 5 because it did not answer the prompt but was a very good effort at writing an essay.
