This is a solid effort for a TOEFL or IELTS test. Your grammar is generally good, and the essay is well organized.
Sometimes your word choices are not quite right. For example:
They build a family in physics, not in spirits.
I think that you mean to say here that such people build a family with
things rather than
relationships.There are a few minor errors. For example:
Different person will have different answer to the question which is more important to be working or to be with the family.
Here, you should say "people" rather than "person" and place "of" after "question."
Finally -- this won't hurt you for IELTS/TOEFL but it's good to know for essay writing in general -- be careful with terms like "always." It's generally a good idea to be more moderate in one's phrasing unless something is absolutely true all the time.
A harmonious family always leads to an effective work. And a troublesome family always causes a disaster in work.
People can have a harmonious family but do poorly at work for other reasons. Some people escape an uncomfortable family life by pouring all of their energy into work. So, here, you should say "usually" where you say "always."