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IELTS Task 2: How important is sport or PE in a young person's education?


ningningya 1 / 2  
Mar 6, 2012   #1
Hi, everyone. I'm newbie here, looking forward to improving my English writing skills. This is my first IELTS essay. I am grateful if you can make comments for my essay.Thanks a lot.

Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport of physical education (PE) from the curriculum. How important is sport or PE in a young person's education?

With the pressure of study has been increase. More and more schools give up opening physical education lessons currently. Obviously, it is not wise to take this action. Because doing sports appropriately is vital part in every juvenile's life.

Maintaining a level of daily physical activities could help mental functioning. Accordingly, juveniles may benefit much from doing sport regularly. They can relax themselves and release pressure during the activities. After doing that, they could concentrate on the study with high efficiency. As a result, they may perform excellently on their learning.

Furthermore, majority of students are on the stage of developing their bodies. As a consequence, there is a growing concern among parents and teachers about fitness in children. It is essential to participate in varied physical programs- including non-competitive activities like dance and aerobics- for them. A study has announced that the diseases associate with normal people troubling fewer young people who have exercising habits. What is more, doing sport could exercise all the muscles in the body, especially good for organs, like lungs or hearts. Also, the daily needed energy could be accumulated day by day, which contribute much advantages to juveniles when they growing.

To sum up, doing a level of physical activities is not only worth maintaining, but also should be developed. Only in this way, can juveniles are growing healthier, happier and more productive in the society. The programs of physical education are lessons for lifetime, as important as any subjects on the school curriculum.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Mar 6, 2012   #2
With the The pressure of studies has been increasing .

More and more schools are giving up having physical education lessons currently.

Because participating in sports appropriately is a vital part in every juvenile's life.

They can relax themselves and release pressure of studying during the activities.

Furthermore, the majority of students are on the stage of developing their bodies.

What is more, doing sports could exercise all the muscles in the body, which is especially good for organs, like lungs or hearts.

Also, the daily needed energy could be accumulated day by day, which contribute much advantages to juveniles when they are growing.

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)
OP ningningya 1 / 2  
Mar 7, 2012   #3
Hi Susan, thanks a lot for correcting my essay. I've learn much from your corrections.

Thank you again for your feedback:)


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