Hi, there, please help me proofread with the unity and coherence in this essay. Grammar checking won't be a problem for me. I would need more help about topic development and how my flow of thought is organized. Thanks a lot!
TOEFL: A/D:The most important thing the government should do to improve health care is to clean the environment.
Nowadays, a healthy body has become the top dream of every individual. Without it, people would probably lose their ability and efficiency to work, study and advance.There is a factor undermining human health which is pollution. For this, many people tend to think the government must take actions to clean the environment as a top priority in order to ensure people's health. In my view, there are two other steps as important as cleaning the environment.
The government should boost the mass to do more physical exercises. Doing exercise has many advantages to our bodies such as improving body constitution, increasing lungs and heart capacity. These sorts of physical conditions are mighty power defending the intrusive viruses and illnesses. It is universally perceived that the majority of athletes possess strong and healthy attributes because of their everyday's intensive exercises. Their muscular tissue and respiratory system is more dynamic than the people do little or never exercise. Considering huge benefits regular workout could bring about, if the government could carry out some measures to promote daily exercise, it would be rather helpful in improving the health care.
What's more, funding projects and institutes of medical study is also a good way improving health care. Our environment has been largely damaged due to human activities and various of new illnesses has emerged along the way. Our medical treatments and conditions need to be advanced correspondingly so as to tackle these diseases. One of the biggest problems to push forward this plan is lack of substantial funds for pharmaceutical and clinical experiments cost an arm and a leg. Take epidemic disease Ebola. In order to contain its contagious effect, the influenced areas and their surrounding hospitals and clinics all had to upgrade their facilities for diagnosis and detection. One hospital would be fine to do this while getting every relevant hospitals done would be mission impossible. So it is seen the government should spare money contributing to medical improvement and update which is the key to better health care too.
It is undoubted that cleaning the environment is a useful method to improve the health care because fresh air and uncontaminated water is conducive to healthy environment. Quality environment constrict the breeding and transmitting of germs causing sickness. However, we have to admit that environment cleaning alone cannot resolve all the health-related problems.
In conclusion, cleaning the environment should not be the most primary and important thing. Government also should pay high attention to facilitate people to do exercises and to support and fund medical researches.