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The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagre

Vietanhdao 1 / -  
Aug 30, 2017   #1
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic
The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job.
Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

job's satisfaction depends not only from a good salary

In every job, salary is always an important factor that every employee considers when choosing it. However , claiming that this element holds the highest significance is an overstatement to my mind. This essay will explain why I am of that opinion.

Firstly, financial remuneration can lure job candidates to apply for a vacancy, but usually after being recruited they will make a comparison between how much they earn and the workload that is assigned. If the balance is not achieved, often leaning towards more duties than earnings, staff will gradually fall into a state of attrition, which leads to their being stressed and opting for resignation. Such mishap is quite prevalent as for fresh graduates because they ordinarily receive minimum wages for their lack of experience but their supervisors tend to allot many repetitive or arduous tasks to them.

In addition, in cases of professionals in academic or researching fields such as physicists or astronomers, it's satisfaction and contentment in the jobs that sustain their commitment and dedication to their companies. This is because those specialists usually find the freedom to pursue their passion the most crucial perk in workplace; in other words, they are not tightly bound by money incentives.

To conclude, although it is undeniable that every individual has to make ends meet no matter what their livelihoods are, money should rarely stand out as the vital element that keeps people happy in their jobs when other essential factors like liberty, work comfort or promotion are increasingly of great importance to employees these days.

256 words
Please help me review this essay
Many thanks

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,883 2165  
Aug 31, 2017   #2
@Vietanhdao you have not provided a proper format for this essay. This is very sloppy work that will not pass an examiner's intricate eye for detail and reasoning. Take for example, your opening sentence. You totally disregarded the grammar rules regarding capitalization and sentence structure. There is no clear paraphrasing of the prompt and you immediately discussed the essay instead of following protocol. You also say that the belief is an overstatement instead of saying that you disagree with the statement. Disagreeing with the statement and believing that it is an overstatement are two different essay topics. This proves that you did not understand the prompt requirements at all either. In terms of Task Accuracy, this essay will immediately get a less than passing score and that will affect your later discussions that somehow, run in accordance with the discussion expectations.

Protocol dictates that you offer up complete sentences and paragraphs in order to get proper consideration for your essay scores based on specific criteria. While your essay does provide acceptable reasons and examples that support your belief, the main problem with your essay is that it did not do well in the main scoring consideration, the TA part. Added to that are the punctuation problems of your essay, where you constantly use commas instead of periods to indicate complete thoughts. Additionally, you do not take ownership of the statements provided because you did not use first person pronouns throughout the essay.

The concluding statement is faulty because it continues the discussion of the prompt using additional information. The concluding statement is just a summary of the discussion you created. It does not allow you to present additional information because that would require additional explanations that will not fit within the 5 paragraph statement format.

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