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The bar chart compares the number of crimes in five different countries of the world (1930-1980)


reginaphalangee 1 / -  
Jun 13, 2021   #1

IELTS WRITING TASK 1: IMPRISONMENT



The chart below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.

The bar chart compares the number of crimes who were thrown in jail in five different countries of the world over a 50-year period starting from 1930.

As can be seen from the chart, all the nations' figures tended to decline during the period, except for America and Great Britain.

In 1930, nearly 100 000 cases of captivity took place in the United State, which was more than a five fold of that in Britain. Despite some fluctuations, the next 50 years witnessed a dramatic increase of 40 000 incidents in America, while the data of Britain grew gradually to 50 000 cases within the same period. Moreover, 1980 saw the largest figure of imprisonment in the United State, at approximately 140 000 cases recorded.

Considering the 3 remaining countries, Canada used to have the highest statistics with 120 000 cases in 1930, while Australia had only about 70 000 at the same time. From 1940 onwards, both Canada and Australia's data fluctuated considerably, then ended at nearly 100 000 and 60 000 cases respectively.

Besides, a remarkable fall to just slightly over 40 000 incidents was found in the figure of New Zealand during the first 20 years, before it climbed back to 90 000 at the end of the period.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Jun 14, 2021   #2
A properly analyzed task 1 essay must be completed within 20 minutes and between 175 - 200 words. Though there won't be deductions applied for writing more words, I am afraid that such a practice results in more scoring errors for the student. That is because your focus moves from the proper TA, L R, C + C, and GRA scoring guidelines to merely writing as much words as possible. Quality writing is more important than word count because you are scored on the former and not the latter.

Here is an example of your L.R. mistake:

the number of crimes who were thrown in jail

Word usage error based on improper vocabulary /word meaning.

Crimes - noun; an action or an instance of negligence that is deemed injurious to the public welfare or morals or to the interests of the state and that is legally prohibited. Root word: Crime (singular )

Criminal - noun ; a person guilty or convicted of a crime. Criminals (plural)
Based on the word definitions alone, you can already tell what and how you made the mistake. This is why you should with just the right number of words, to ensure you can check for, and correct score related errors.

nations'

GRA error in relation to punctuation usage. You do not need to use an apostrophe in this word. It signifies the plural form and ownership without that mark. Review punctuation usage rules.

As for your TA issues:

five different countries

Which are ? Summarise the countries listing for an accurate TA consideration.

thrown in jail

Indicate the measurement used which is by the thousands

50-year period starting from 1930

Ending in what year? complete the half century reference data.

The report is acceptable but the number of mistakes in it are not. The number of avoidable errors could prevent the awarding of a passing score. It is about information clarity based on scoring guidelines. Not just the word count.


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