IELTS TASK2: The imprisonment should be longer for offenders with terrible crimes

Lowering the crime rate

Some people believe that in order to reduce crime, prisoners should be given longer prison sentence while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your opinion.?

It is argued that to control offenses offenders should be confined in prison for a longer duration, while others believe that different options are available to tackle this problem. I believe that there are some criminal acts where offenders should be given severe punishment, however, rehabilitation is another way to help criminals become a productive member of the society.

On the one hand, prison sentences should be determined after considering the nature of the crime. That is to say, offenders who perpetrated heinous crimes such as murder, rape, and kidnapping should be given longer custodial sentences, this will deter others who have the intent of committing the same vicious/horrendous criminal act. For instance, in the late nineteenth century, Michael garter was found guilty for murdering twenty women in London and was given a life sentence. This action reduced the number of serious crimes significantly in that city. Nevertheless, certain people who are engaged in horrific crimes should have a longer jail sentence, others can be given a chance to recuperate.

On the other hand, criminals who commit petty crimes such as shoplifting, vandalism, and disorderly conduct, should be given the opportunity to reform themselves. Sending offenders who committed minor offenses to rehabilitation is a better option as it allows them to reflect on their actions and learn new skills that will help them to become a better person. For instance, a research conducted by the University of California found that that the trend of recommitting offense among people with minor felon decline by 40% after the state introduce rehab program to help prisoners reform themselves. Therefore, I believe that criminals should be given a chance to change their ways.

In conclusion, although the term of imprisonment should be longer for offenders with terrible crimes, whereas rehabilitation people with minor crimes

Your restated prompt approach is incorrect. The proper presentation requires that you inform the reader of the two points of view and instructions for the discussion. To illustrate:

There is a discussion regarding the topic of how to lower the felonies being committed by the public. Certain advocates promote the thought that a lengthier stay in the penitentiary will help solve the problem. However, there are people who oppose this ideology because they believe that substitute punishment methods would have better results. I believe that both suggestions have certain merits that need to be considered. Based on these merits, I will be able to create a supporting opinion for one of the two suggested action methods.

You have to always restate the prompt topic, discussion points, and discussion instructions in every introduction. Do this using no less than 3 but no more than 5 sentences to get the maximum TA score for your work.

This is a 5 paragraph essay based on the following paragraph format:
- Paraphrase
- POV 1
- POV 2
- Personal opinion
- Summary of discussion / Conclusion

You failed to use words that connote the public point of view per idea prior to your personal opinion being presented. Therefore, the essay changed from a comparative with opinion discussion to a personal point of view discussion. This will result in points deductions for the discussion areas not properly represented in your essay. Your concluding paragraph does not follow the above mentioned format for restating the discussion points towards the end of the essay. So you will not get a very high score for this essay. There are too many discussion elements missing for it to get maximum scoring consideration based on the 4 scoring criteria.