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IELTS: improve health by increasing sport facilities; 'regimen of nutrition'


Dinhlan 2 / 2 1  
May 16, 2014   #1
Dear Friends,
I am new here and today I would like to need your adjustment for my writing as following topic:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measures are requried.

Exercise has become daily important activites in modern socicety. People aim to maintain a healthy habitas to live and work better. The rise of fitness centers, sport facilities have been creating more opporturnities for us to accomplished those tasks. In my point of view, to have fully positive affect to our health, besides bulding more sport facilities, having a reasonalbe nutrition regimen and reducing bad habbits, such as smoking, need to be taken in to account.

The majority of people concur that inncreasing sport facilities and equipments play an important role in the campaign of enhancing health in soicety. A strong soicety containts healthy individuals. Upon this rationale, goverments are putting more effort in this task such as building green park which is convenient for jogging and basics execerise. Further more, nowadays, in most of the designs for appartment blocks, sporty facilities such as playground for kids, swimming pool and gymclub are required from goverment as a common standard of a morden city.

In a different perspective, researchers has proove that, an effective regimen of nutrition also affects in our health. Fast food industry has booming over decades, resulting in the increasing of illness related to obese. Obese people are commonly diagnosed as diabete patients and other deadly symptom related to heart. A reasonable diet with more vegetables and less lipid and calories is helpful as well as nourishing for our heart.

And yet bad habbits influent our life style and one of the most stringing is smoking. Most of people are aware with diseases associated with smoking, typically cancer. Smoking causes cancer not only smoker themself but also second hand smokers. Many countried has strictly applied various menthod to reduce smoking such as impose high tax or purnishment of smoking in public such as Singapore.

In conclusion, health is valuable of each individual. And in order to maintain and improve our health, we need to use diversified menthod to be in optimum condition.And I strongly believe that with that combination we will prolong our life.

niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
May 16, 2014   #2
A strong soicety containtssociety contains healthy individuals
Upon this rationale, govern ments are putting more effort in this task such as building green park which is convenient for jogging andbasicsbasicexeceriseexercise .

Further more (Furthermore)

Do not forget to check the spelling.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 17, 2014   #3
In a different perspective, researchers has prooveshow that, (omit this comma) an effective regimen of nutrition also affects in(affect is a transitive verb which needs an object ) our health. Fast food industry has boomingboomed over decades, resulting in the increasing of illness related to obese. Obese peopleAdult obesityareis commonly diagnosed as diabeteS patients and other deadly symptomS related to heart. A reasonable diet with more vegetables and less lipid and calories is helpful as well as nourishing for our heart.

Simple grammar is a must if you need a high score
duyhien - / 1 1  
May 17, 2014   #4
In my point of view, to have fully positive affect to our health, besides buldingbuilding more sport facilities, having a reasonalbe nutrition regimen and reducing bad habbitshabits , such as smoking, need to be taken in tointo account.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 17, 2014   #5
This sentence is too long and therefore less interesting. Do not write very lengthy sentences as they get you carried away at the end of the line. You have several spelling mistakes too. Pay attention to your spelling because such errors may steal your marks. Also, pay attention to the approach suggested by dumi. Your body paras need to contain specific examples to support your reasoning.
msarkar 8 / 15  
May 18, 2014   #6
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar.


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