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To improve road safety, it is not enough to punish more harshly those who violate the law


vietable 1 / 1  
May 15, 2019   #1

Improving the road safety



Task 2: The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It Is true that stricter punishments are necessary which can reduce the danger from drunk drivers or many motorists. However, I strongly disagree that this is the only way to improve road safety because there are substituted measures which would also be useful.

I believe that there are some other rules that we can launch to protect our life on the road. To be clear, stricter punishments should be hardened, and it will be effective because everybody is afraid of those punishments. For example, drive motorbike while you are drunk, it is prohibited and should be banned from driving at least six months. The reason that there are hundreds of accidents which were caused by drunk people in the last months and those disasters always cam with the consequences many innocent people died and caused trauma for the society. People who travel on the road cannot feel safe any moment, because if they are not careful, they can be killed by a crazy driver or a drunk vehicle.

Moreover, there are other steps which can improve road safety. Firstly, installing a speed camera is a necessary thing that a nation should do. For example, we can catch all the road crimes who drive over-speed or specific prove for investigation. Many authorities around the world have adopted this very cost-effective measure. Secondly, traffic calming measures have succeeded in reducing the number of accidents.

In conclusion, to improve road safety, it is not enough to be tough on traffic crimes by punishing more harshly those who violate the law. A range of road safety measures should accompany harsher driving penalties.

Please give me advice on improve my writing thanks

Maria [Contributor] - / 479 214  
May 15, 2019   #2
@vietable
Let's look at your essay technically and in terms of content to fully assess it.

First and foremost, I would be wary of your usage of relative pronouns. When you cannot structure these items properly, it can affect the overall output that you have in your essay. What I would suggest is always trying to reread your sentences out loud so that you may be able to tell which portions come off as unnatural.

In addition to this, I suggest being more cautious when it comes to constructing your sentences. Once you have gotten this out of the way, you'll be able to create more concise structures that will let you optimize the space that you have in your essay.

Giving out generalized terminologies before proceeding to the technical/specifics will also help you create a more dynamic/deductive outline. Establishing your content like this will help you have more of a flow for your essay that is more reasonable.

Let's revise a few portions of the essay in accordance to these guidelines.

Stricter punishments are necessary to reduce the danger of driving offenses. However, I strongly disagree that this is the only way to improve road safety because of other alternatives.[...]

Notice how I had tried to evade using repetitive terminologies. And instead of beating around the bush to expound the thoughts, a more straightforward approach to writing will always be preferred over other means.

In terms of content, I suggest that you try to add more details and specifics. While you have given brief examples, they are not quite as detailed as would be preferred for you to truly expound on your thoughts and opinions on the topic given to you. It's insufficient for you to explain the scenario - instead, try to allocate space in actually discussing ideas through concrete experiences.

Keep these in mind as you are revising. Best of luck!


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