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TOEFL: Improve Roads or Public Transports


hatung94 6 / 8  
May 26, 2010   #1
Topic: Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation(buses, trains, subways)? Why?

Many people think that governments should spend money on improving roads and highways while the others say that it would be better to spend money on public transportation. In my opinion, governments should certainly spend money on the public transportation system because it would deal with problems that the rising number of private cars is creating.

First, the using of public transportation reduces the amount of resources using on transportation. Cars depend on gasoline, which is a non-renewable resource. Therefore, the more cars we use means that the faster gasoline in this world is used up. In the contrary, if the public transportation is efficiently used, the amount of gasoline consuming per person will be much lower. And this definitely helps to reserve our invaluable natural resource, gasoline.

Second, public transportation helps to solve the air pollution problems. Averagely, public transports use much less gasoline to carry people than private cars. It means that by using public transports, the less gas exhaust is pumped to the air and people will no longer have to bear the stuffy situation on the roads, which is always full of fumes.

Last but not least, using public transportation is much safer than private transportation. According to National Safety Council, riding the bus is over 170 times safer than private care. Thus there is no reason that governments should hesitate to invest in public transportation, a healthy, safe and economical way of transporting.

In short, I can say for certain that spending money on improving public transportation is necessary because it is the key to protect our world, creating a healthy and safe environment for people to live in.
Azeri 10 / 137  
May 27, 2010   #2
Hi, Hatung

First, I would like to point out the number of words and the size of your paragraphs. Your essay is a bit short, less than the required minimum of 300 words; consequently, the paragraphs are short - you should add 2-3 sentences to each para to make them more complete, and correspond with the word count requirement.

In my opinion, you did not thoroughly address your thesis statement.
Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 27, 2010   #3
I'm so glad Azeri is here helping people. Thanks!!

Many people think that governments should spend money on improving roads and highways while the others say that it would be better to spend money on public transportation. In my opinion, governments should certainly spend money on the public transportation system because it would deal with problems that the rising number of private cars is creating. add one more sentence here to tell the main idea of the whole essay... a sentence you want the reader to remember.)

This paragraph is too short, like paragraph one:
In short, I can say for certain that spending money on improving public transportation is necessary because it is the key to protect our world, creating a healthy and safe environment for people to live in. (Write an additional sentence.. a BONUS idea.. something "extra" to leave the reader with. This will make the essay more powerful. What can you add at the end to keep the reader thinking about the importance of pub. transportation?

:-)


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