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The improvement of the world's population every year becomes the most significant concern.


AinunAlfatih 15 / 14 8  
Feb 20, 2015   #1
The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?


The improvement of the world's population every year becomes the most significant concern. Some people argue that the large number of world population is the predominant problem at the present time that humanity should resolve. I strongly believe that there are several factors that cause the world's population increased every year, but the population growth is not the mightiest problem that humanity have to face.

It is believed that, the predominant factor that causes the continued rise of population in the world is unplanned pregnant. A 2013 research of Melbourne University shows that the number of birth in India and China increased dramatically during the period 2009 to 2013, and it became the biggest contributor in the rise of world population. This case annually increase as many people in India and China tend to ignore the Planning Family Program that government has applied in order to control the population growth. As a result, unplanned program still become the main factor that influences the rise of overpopulation in the world.

While it is believed that the world's overpopulation is the main problem, crime cases also influence most people. A 2014 Makassar State University study explains that the crime rate in Makassar incline dramatically between 2010 and 2013 from 2500 to 3000 cases per year. It happened as the number of unemployment increase annually, and the government has not be able to provide job for the unemployment. Consequently, many people are more aware about crime cases than the over population.

To sum up, the causes of the continued rise of the world population is unplanned pregnant, and crime cases are the predominant problem that humanity should tackle. In my opinion, these cases have to become issue of people around the world.

(289 words)
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 20, 2015   #2
Your writing style is pretty solid! anyways here are some mistakes that you should be aware of..
The improvement of the world's population has become the most significant concern
Some people argue that the large number of world population is the predominant problem at the present time that humanity should resolve
why do they think so??
It is believed by numerous individuals
if you want to utilize the passive voice, then be more specific
it would sound more informative if you explained of why this phenomena takes place.
This case annually increase as many people in India and China tend to ignore the Planning Family Program that government has applied in order to control the population growth

become the issue
Good luck!
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 21, 2015   #3
Hi AinunAlfatih,

I would like to give you some suggestions and comments,

GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

The improvementof the world's population

"of" is not collocate with "improvement". what's more, you use "the improvement" to explain "world's population". I think it is inappropriate, because it will be necessary if you use boom, increasing, growth, or burst.

here is my hook example :

Population burst has generated a mouthing concern across the world in recent decades.

the large number of world population

Subject Verb Agreement. It should be : the large number of world populations

humanity have to face

humanity is an uncountable noun, so you cannot use a plural verb for such a noun. It should be = humanity has to face

continued rise of populationin the world is unplanned pregnant

you need an article for "population". What's more, "in" is not collocate with "population"
Therefore, it should be = ..continued rise of the population of the world is unplanned pregnant.

This case annually increase

Subject Verb Agreement, it should be = increases

unplanned program still become

Subject Verb Agreement, it should be = unplanned program still becomes or unplanned programs still become

that the crime rate in Makassar incline dramatically between 2010 and 2013 from 2500 to 3000 cases per year

I am afraid that this sentence is not easy to follow, so I suggest you to rewrite this sentence.

the number of unemploymentincrease annually

"the number" should be followed by singular verb.

has not be able to provide job for the unemployment

it should be = has not been able to provide a job

cases have to become issue of people

cases have to become an issue / issues.

There are many grammatical errors in your writing, I suggest you to ask your friend first prior to upload your essay thus we can discuss about flows and ideas.

Keep Spirit, Keep Study.


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