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IELTS ESSAY: IMPROVEMENTS OF THE TOURISM INDUSTRY


huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jul 6, 2013   #1
The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last 50 years, and there are few places which are unaffected by it.However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

The tourism industry is one of the most important aspect of the economy.Through tourism,hotels are built,roads are repaired in order to attract visitors. This has created both negative and positive affects to the native country.Personally,I think that tourism brings wealth to the country but also partly destroy its nature.

The most important reason is the tourists' bad behaviors.Young people usually leave trashes everywhere they go.Nowadays these trashes are mostly made of undissolved materials such as plastic of metal, so this not only makes beautiful sightseeings ugly but also pollutes the environment.

A second reason why I am partly opposed to the growth of the tourism industry is that money plays an important role in controlling actions from the government. In a village in Vietnam, thousands hectares of farm were levelled for playing golf. This has caused serious consequences: farmers loses their jobs and the native people do not have enough rice to eat.

On the other hand, tourism also brings wealth and fame to the country. For example: Mallorca is well-known to european citizens for its beautiful beaches. Another good example is Los Angeles. If people want to visit movie studios, the Hall of Fame or to see movie stars, Los Angeles is the right place to go. When they stay at the local Hotels, they have to pay for the services and food, which benefits the country.

However, there are places which are unaffected by tourism such as suburbs, forests or mountain areas. The reasons are :First, these places are dangerous for people.Second, there are not remarkable tourist attractions, where visitors can entertain or eat specialties. In my opinion, improving the tourism industry of one place is not an easy mission.The government must have strategies or plans in order to achieve the goals it wants.

temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Jul 6, 2013   #2
Nowadays these trashes are mostly made of undissolved materials such as plastic of metal,

with undissolved you can also add non-biodegradeable . it clarifies your view

farmers loses their jobs and the native people do not have enough rice to eat.

lose ... find ...

However, there are places which are unaffected by tourism such as suburbs, forests or mountain areas.

mountainous ..
your writing didnt carry much mistakes but lack the attraction power that must be the real colour. you need to make a bit changes only. if you thinkyou need other peoples' help, this forum, members and moderators can do that. meant not to criticize but to help because i am an ordinary writer myself...!! BEST OF LUCK!! :)
OP huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jul 6, 2013   #3
your writing didnt carry much mistakes but lack the attraction power that must be the real colour. you need to make a bit changes only. if you think you need other peoples' help, this forum, members and moderators can do that. meant not to criticize but to help because i am an ordinary writer myself...!! BEST OF LUCK!! :)

what do you mean by this ?? I don't understand what i have to do
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Jul 6, 2013   #4
you need to improve the vocabulary and a bit shuffle the words to make some beautiful look of the sentence. hope you got that.
luky0ne 7 / 27 4  
Jul 6, 2013   #5
I believe he means that your essay doesn't stand out among the applicants in the application pool. Going in detail on examples/adding adjectives may attract a bit more attention.


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