Hi Abul.
These are my thoughts towards your essay. I have read this closely. In my point of view, you have shown the positive progress. You could build this systematically. However, let me give you a few suggestion to finalize yours.that it is not always the most effective way
Actually, you have paraphrased the statement well. I really got the points what you mean, but there was a minor meaning. It is different between little effect and "not always the most effective. If I relate to your sentence, Improving the sports facilities sometimes become the best alternative. Be careful of the meaning of the sentences what you paraphrased.This following essay will discuss in detail about both ideas.
Avoid the sentences like this. It seemed like the hackneyed sentence because a bunch of people uses it. I suggest you mention 1 or 2 words to describe your position on the matter.On the one hand,(You picked up the linking word inappropriately) some individuals consider (...) by providing more sportS amenities in the society. This is because it tends to
raise ENHANCE public awareness in (...) to access public sportS services.
... several additional sportS facilities in many ...
(although you got the simple example, you can guide readers to understand your mind and related to the topic. Good Job)Many governmental institutions require their officers to participate this programme.
Your explanation about the example is less strong. I have not found the logic flow of your explmanations. Please, you improve this section.All in all, it is clear to me that the government plays a vital role ...
Really, this is out of the topic. I remember you that when you wanna create the conclusion, you relate to the thesis statement. That is very different.