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I am inclined to oppose constructing a factory in my near community - TOEFL independent essay


NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Jan 25, 2016   #1
Hey, it's me again. I find a lot of difficulties to reach 300 words while focusing on finding the appropriate ideas and rewriting the sentences several times to avoid mistakes within 30 minutes. Here is my essay. I am waiting for your feedbacks. :-)

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and the advantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? explain your position.

(194 words)

Factories play an important role in the development of the economy of countries. However, despite people think that building a factory may provide jobs; there are drawbacks accompanying this factory. Therefore, I am inclined to oppose constructing a factory in my near community because it negatively affects the environment.

First of all, a factory can destroy the environment of my community. It emits gases that can cause several diseases such as asthma. It also pollutes the underground water and rivers by releasing unclean water in them. The soil also has its share of this pollution; the garbage thrown by factories destroys fertilized lands that surround the factory.

On the other hand, the supporters of the idea of building a factory in their city think that it will create more jobs. This is true, however, these new jobs will attract people from different places which lead to growing the society, more roads and houses will be built, and traffic problems will also be created.

To sum up, despite of the merits of building a factory in my city, they are outweighed by the disadvantages. A factory can create new jobs but it can also pollute the environment.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 25, 2016   #2
Nour, 300 is the maximum word count. You don't have to deliver exactly 300 words in every essay. Just make sure you are over the minimum word count but not over the maximum and your essay will be deemed more than acceptable. It will not add to your grade if you deliver the full 300 words but then lack in content and meaning in the overall essay. 150-250 words will be sufficient provided that you are talking sense and do not deviate from the prompt requirements. Saying more using less words will show a higher level of vocabulary and sentence device usage. So aim for impressing the reader with your English skills instead of the number words you used.

Your essay delivers on all points yet again. Grammar issues aside, you have actually discussed a very strong position on the topic and offered reasons that are easily identified by the reader as being true since it is based on real life. It would be great if your smooth flow of thought were supported by your grammar as well. I think you are getting to that though.

... despite people thinkING that buildingING a factory may provide jobs; there are dr... a factory in my near MY community ...

... water inTO them ..

... different places which WILL lead to growing the society, more roads and houses wil lNEED TO be built,...

To sum up, despite of the merits of building a factory in my city, they are outweighed by the disadvantages. A factory can create new jobs but it can also pollute the environment.

- Too short. You know the rules by now. The conclusion doesn't follow the format.


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