rejecting computer from our life?
A Computer has an important role in our life. It has to combine lots of effect application such as learning, typing, and so on. However what if all the service, or field in life base on a computer to perform? It is cool and convenient but also bring some annoy effect that no one desire. This essay will describe a disadvantage when a computer is applied to real life.
One of the most familiar inconveniences that we can meet is complicated. In transfer money, with a computer, everything becomes easier but to some people, that is a problem. They can't understand the process of it. Not only that, paying online is popular nowadays, if we can't adapt it, it will create the feelings that embarrass with other people. Moreover, the thing that no one desire that the computer is broke down. It will make many mistake and inconvenient for the user, especially in transferring money or lost individual information
To sum up, besides many conveniences that computer brings to us but it also exists some annoying that make everyone confuse. We can't reject computer due to it is part of our life, instead of finding the ways to adapt to new technology and make it more simple.Watch out for the forms of the words you are using, especially if you are using multi-purpose ones that do not have a specific definition to them. Having hold of this takes consistency, knowledge, and determination in knowing how to apply what you know about English grammar.
Let's take it step by step and revise a couple portions of your essay.
Computers play an important role in our lives. It has multiple purposes: learning, typing, and other educational-related tasks. However, there are disadvantages to using computers in real-life. While it brings convenience, it can also bring about multiple concerns. This essay describes the disadvantages of the real-life usage of computer.
Notice how because you are making an argumentative essay about a particular device, it is only right that you generalize it (ie. saying computers). You should also ensure that you try to use concise terminologies to reduce the word count that you can use in more productive and substantive ways (ie. from combination of lots of effects to simply saying that it has multiple purposes). Trying to curate text with more concise words is essential, especially if you plan to take academic writing tremendously by its sleeve. Try to evade words that are informal (ie. saying that computers are cool is unnecessary and does not contribute to the essay's overall theme).
When it comes to your second paragraph, I have noticed that you struggle when it comes to verb tenses and the general sentence structure.
For instance, a couple revisions I could make:
One of the most [...] that we meet is its complicated nature. When discussing money transfers, usage of computers would make it easier. However, this is not applicable to all. There are difficulties when it comes to understanding the processes. [...]
In the succeeding sentences, you were discussing how shameful it is not comply with online payment methods. This is not an academic statement. What you can perhaps say is that the complexity of payment methods makes it difficult for companies and individuals to keep up with the constant technological changes. This is a perspective that appears more informative rather than offensive.
Try to keep these in mind as you are rereading and editing. Best of luck!
