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The increase of advance technology over the years is resonating around us, students.


lovejapanjapan 1 / 4  
Jun 3, 2015   #1
The increase in the advancement of technology over the years is resulting around us, as we can see, more and more people sticking their hands with the latest Ipads, smartphones everywhere and anytime even children are doing so. The pursuit of material goods also seems prevailing nowadays among the students whether to make their paperwork more easier or simply have access with their friends online. Therefore, while a tendency like this may help in dealing with school works and assignments, problems may arise in the foreseeable future causing adverse effects to the students themselves.

How about this intro ? Please comment.If this topic is coming out in ielts, what band should I get. I will write the other three paragraphs and a conclusion as well in the coming post.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 3, 2015   #2
- The increase in the advancementof advanceof technology over the years is resultingresonating around us,

- as we can see, more and more people are sticking their hands with the latest Ipads, smartphones everywhere and anytime even children are doing so.

Love, I made a couple of corrections in your intro for this essay.

Honestly, your intro is quiet short, you can either add a couple more sentences r elaborate your thoughts and ideas on the subject.

Also, as you write the next few sets of your essay, mind the following;

- sentence construction, this will keep your readers to read through the entire essay

- word choice, make sure that the words you use in your essay is understandable in order to send your message across

- be objective

- mind your linking verbs, tenses and your subject should withstand the idea throughout the essay

- Proof read and spell check all the time

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Jun 3, 2015   #3
Let me give example,
The technology brings convenience of people to finish activities for better. As such, some people believe that this is excellent era of social interaction since many features provided by it change people to be easy to reach their targets of working. Meanwhile, what people can take in improving their knowledge is positive impact from technology. Therefore, I strongly agree with this statement as by technology those can make better life.Hope it helpful
OP lovejapanjapan 1 / 4  
Jun 3, 2015   #4
Thank you justivy03, belows are the two paragraphs. Two more paragraphs that discuss about the negative sides are coming too and thanks a million, IqbalThemi. Your intro is a brilliant one but i wanna write both sides of arguements.

Such a dependency on the Internet would definitely give birth to students and scholars who are not only academically excellent but also externally knowledgeable. Students who often use the Internet to search important information on the relevant aspects such as grammar review, subject-based problems and solutions would instill positive habits of reading, willingness to learn and also this beneficial exposure allows them to progress further and faster in comparison with those who are inactive learning online. This would create brighter , well-refined students that would be of more benefits to society.

Other than that, the Internet access creates a platform for students all over the countries to be a borderless community in the world as we live in today.

Without separate boundaries, information is linked and transferred fast without limitations. In other words, this may act as a motivator for students to be more competitive among their peers. A healthy form of competitiveness would bring about more like-minded individuals and weed out students that could not care less about their future career. As a result, this would create chain reaction that extends far beyond the level of tertiary education and into the working world whereby students, employees and employers alike would be more hardworking in order to compete globally either to gain entry into prestigious universities or firms as well.
Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jun 4, 2015   #5
Firstly,introduction is too long,you need to write it in 40-50 words.
Secondly,u add one of the idea in the introduction like PAPERWORK MORE EASIER,i recommend u dnt add idea like this which later beneficial for our essay body structure.

Lastly,sentence formation,2-3 high vocab word also require.
Tnx.


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