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IELTS; Increase in crimes among young people - Social & Emotional learning


hisho88 4 / 6  
Sep 27, 2013   #1
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Every person has his/her own attitude which comes from many factors that affected and continue to affect that person.The result of this is different kinds of persons with different kinds of actions.Every person sees his actions from a different perspective which may be right or wrong,good or bad,but at the end the person is convinced of what he is doing to be the right thing to do regardless the consequences and that prove that the human nature is very complicated.

The factors that have an effect on the personality of a person are so many,for example:the environment has its own role to paint the person's personality that includes parents,school,teachers,relatives and friends.each one of these has his own way of affecting and that results in having two kinds of people,good people and bad ones.

Having bad people equals having crimes and these crimes are increasing day by day and what is very dangerous that these crimes are committed by very young people who they are under 18,for instance:these people, who are under 18, are killing,stealing and blackmailing others.This phenomenon has many reasons,aspects and results.if we see it from a psychological view,we will see clearly that these persons didn't raise normal and didn't have a normal childhood.they lacked so many things in their childhood like the social life,parents care,wealthy or at least to have a good life and of course most of them lost the opportunity to be educated.all these things reflected the personality of this young persons.when these persons didn't find a shelter which is their parents they ran away and became homeless.moreover when they didn't find a school and teachers to be like their parents they lost their study route and also many of their emotions.In addition when these persons find themselves without a social work or a social life they will reach to the peak of depression and he will become lost.so when they reach this point,i think they will be ready to commit a crime very easily.

I think it is very important to raise children very well and to look after them because what you do in the youngest periods will define who will be this child.and the best you can do is to give the child a very good care,the best education,the main sources of success and whatever he needs whether that is economical or emotional support and by that you will produce an active person who will help in building the society and to be effective in work and also in every thing in life.on the other hand i think it is never too late for someone who committed a crime and is not that younger,there is always a way to fix things and i think in this case it will be rehabilitation.

In conclusion,i think we must study every aspect of this problem and try to find the solutions for it very quickly.everyone of us must have his own role in solving this problem and by hard working nothing is impossible.

zoha 8 / 19 3  
Sep 27, 2013   #2
The first paragraph is meant for the introduction of the essay topic. The essay is referring to the youth criminal behavior pattern due to lack of parents and teachers supervision/care. Do you agree ? If so, now read first paragraph again and analyze yourself. Your paragraph narrates a general description of human behavior, and there is no mention of the role of teacher and parent in child development.

Hope it helps.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Sep 27, 2013   #3
Every person has his/her own attitude which comes from many factors that affected and continue to affect that person.

Every person has his or her own attitude which is a result of many factors that affected and continue to affect that person.

The result of this is different kinds of persons with different kinds of actions. Every person sees his actions from a different perspective which may be right or wrong,good or bad,but at the end the person is convinced of what he is doing to be the right thing to do regardless the consequences and that prove that the human nature is very complicated.

....This sentence is a bit too long. Also your previous idea seems to repeated here. You need to combine the first two sentence to reduce that effect;

This attitude leads people to act differently because they perceive right or wrong and good or bad differently.


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