IELTS: Increase of Illiteracy rate causes and effects on society

Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a third world problem.
However it is becoming apparent that in countries such as the USA and Australia, illiteracy is on the increase. Discuss possible causes for this and its effect on society

Education plays an important role in building a person's personality. Lack of education is an issue for many third world countries but it has been seen that some developing countries are also heading towards the threat. In the following paragraphs I will analyse its reasons and impacts on the society.

First of all, lack of family support is the main cause of literacy. Families do not tend to show interest in their children's education. As a result they start showing less interest in their studies and eventually stop it at a certain age. Furthermore, there are very few scholarships for the students who want to study but cannot bear their expenses. Therefore, they leave their education incomplete.

Second of all, the recession time the world is going through is another reason for the increased illiteracy rate. Countries like USA and Australia are not save from it, so children do not think it necessary to get an education. When they hear the unemployment news in media they find themselves reluctant from studies, so they abandon education and start looking for job. For a short term profit they do not know that they are losing many opportunities such as the best time to learn and a vast exposure in knowledge. When the children grow older they often regret of their decision and target society and people for all of their misfortunes.

To summarize, literacy rate can be raised by providing financial and emotional support to the children in the first world countries.

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Hi

Please check my essay for correction. I appreciate yours help so far.

Regards
S

Lack of education is an issue for many the prime reason for most of the third world countries but it has been seen that some developing countries are also slowly heading towards the threat in this direction.


Dear friend, I won't write this in my essay because to me it takes away the natural flow of the essay. I feel there is no harm if you leave with the first two sentences.


I see your point here, increase in cost of education.I would describe that first and write this later.


Secondly

Thank you, but I used 'Second of all' to maintain the continuity, as before I had used 'First of all'.


You are right, but it is to make the reader aware what he\she is going to find in the rest of essay.I understand the sentence is so much used that it feels extremely unpleasant sometimes.

... yes, very true.


Limited opportunities for education is an issue in many third world countries. However, it is observed that some developing countries too are inclined to face this threat.


In the following paragraphs I intend to discuss the reasons for this trend and its impact on society.


.... Secondly

I think you better combine these two lines;
When families, especially the parents, do not take serious interest in their children's education, then children would have low level of interest in their studies. They would not be provided with proper guidence. These reasons may ultimately lead students to drop out from schools.


Second

to "Secondly", "In addition" or "Moreover"

Thanks Pahan, I appreciate your suggestions.

Thanks dumi.

I sometimes wonder if there could be any rule in using "first of all\ firstly \ first". Can you please generalize it that how do you tend to use the phrase?


Thanks mate.

Well... all of them can be used, but my preference always goes to " First" :) .... It sounds simple and neat. Anyway, "Second of all" does not sound good at all.... Keep it at "Secondly" :D



... you tend to make minor grammar mistakes... take note of it :)
For this issue, I think the main reason is troubled families... In those developed countries the divorce rate is alarmingly on the increase. So there are many single parents who find it's hard to cope with child rearing. Also, certain social issues such as drug addiction, aids also contribute to this situation. .... these are just ideas :D

Great ideas, I'll surely take care of the minor mistakes. These days I am trying to complete my essay 10 minutes prior to the allocated time so that I could check it for all errors.

I wish one day I'd be able to write an essay on any topic with fair arguments and correct grammar. :)))