Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment IELTS2

Quang Bao 3 / 4 1  
Aug 1, 2022   #1


The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is said that the output increments, over the past decades, have devastated the nature immensely. While the growing number of factories play an integral part in causing the massive loss of habitats, the expansion of materials for exploiting does significantly contribute to a higher level of pollution. Hence, the authority ought to encourage raising awareness in human beings about how the planet Earth might suffer from because of industrialization.

Initially, the enviroment may have to face severe consequences owing to the abrupt growth of industries. In other words, the introduction of new factories means that businesses are obliged to replace the existing natural lands in which many wild animals used to live, or farming plantations situated. If this trend develops to an overloaded extent, creatures in the Earth will take risk of extinction since they have lost places where they got accustomed to finding their sources of food or safe shelter for hibernation.

Another highlting reason for this is how more frequently people seek natural resources nowadays. In retrospect, when this planet once remained healthy, poaching or hunting for ingredients of manufacture occured not so occasionally as today. For instance, non-renewable resources such as coal and water force has increasingly been exploited in an attempt to sustain their profound demands for energy supply, endengering pollution to not only the air by exhaust fumes but also to the water by discharged untreated waste.

Besides, it is advisable that quality education should be applied on dwellers. In this day and age, a myriad of humans remain unaware of this controversial dilemma; the government ought to teach them, especially the young generations, how non-environmentally-friendly can consumer goods become. If the young, who tend to go green and adovacate conservation practices, had been well-informed enough, a plethora of destructive actions would have been protested against, thereby being forced off.

In conclusion, how abruptly industrialization enhances as well as the overuse of resources can be considered as various potential causes. It is also recommended that people should carry out educating every person carefully so that this development can be put an end to.

Thanks for reading, I am really looking forward to your feedback!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Aug 2, 2022   #2
The opening sentence of the restatement fails to accurately give the writer's version of the original topic. It does not refer to an actual subject and only offers a general statement that is only somewhat related to the given discussion. Using heavy sounding words in that sentence did not help his score because of the lack of writing or thought clarity in the presentation. It created a diffucult to understand overall paragraph which would result in a failing score in 2 relevant sections.

As for the discussion, the writer did not follow the correct writing format either since he wrote 3 reasoning paragraphs when the required number was only for 2 cohesively discussed topics. The overwriting will be another reason why the essay will fail. It contains far beyond the 300 maximum word requirement, which clearly indicates a lack of proper content editing for coherent discussion paragraphs. There was no need for 2 reasons covering 2 paragraphs. The writer should have aimed for cohesive writing through the use of one paragraph that perfectly blended 2 related reasons.

Sentence structures are off for the most part. The grammar is not well written and shows a lack of proper word usage for the most part. The writer needs to learn more about grammar usage in relation to writing rules in an overall format. I cannot pinpoint just one section for improvement because it needs to be a full skill development on the writer's part.

Home / Writing Feedback / The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment IELTS2