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The increase in selecting to live individually helps people have a better life; some cons though

Kalyn17992 9 / 19 1  
Oct 7, 2014   #1
In some countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly in recent years. Why is this the case? Is this a positive and negative development for society?

It is true that in modern times, the number of citizens selecting to live individually is rising increasingly in many parts of the world. There are many reasons why this change has occurred, and in my opinion there are both positive and negative effects on individuals and society.

There are several reasons for this. One of the main reasons is freedom. Many people, particularly, young generations might do any tasks they want when living alone. In fact, some youngsters these days prefer to live far away from their parents so that they can cook for themselves the dishes they enjoy most and have meals with a good appetite without worrying about their weight or parents' reminders. Another cause is lifestyle. Some people are interested in discovering new parts of the life by themselves. For example, those might travel to any places they want without having their friends or family. By this way, they accumulate their useful experiences which are able to be essential to their work or life. Furthermore, some want to become maturer and more independent when they meet difficult circumstances or make decisions in the life.

One the one hand, these developments can be extremely positive. Living individually aids humans in relaxing and relieving stress or tension from their work. For example, after a busy week those can comfortably sleep without worrying about others' disturbance. On the other hand, living alone can also have the result of isolating people and suffering from mental and emotional diseases. In modern society, people are so busy with their work; therefore, if they choose to live by themselves, they in turn do not spend much time with their family or friends and then the relationship between family members is not close anymore.

In conclusion, the increase in selecting to live individually helps people have a better life but not all of the outcomes of this change have been positive.

(317 words)
Please help me check my essay if it supports and links to the ideas in each paragraph. Thanks in advance.

Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Oct 7, 2014   #2

I would like to give you my opinion about your essay:-)

The usage of linking words is good, but I have noticed some misuses... Especially, in your 2 body paragraph.
Further, you have to work on your "topic sentences", because both of your topic sentences are developed very poorly. In addition, the topic sentence of your 2 body paragraph is not appropriate, because you had to write a sort of sentence that could describe your whole paragraph. But you started your paragraph with positives, then ended with negatives.

For example, you could give topic sentence like this one:
"It is true that everything has two sides and living alone is not an exception."

One more suggestion, try to avoid using the same words repeatedly.

Overall, your ideas do seem to be good, but you need to learn to express them in more "formal way".

Keep writing-:)

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