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IELTS; increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18


fahadbd 25 / 58 5  
Sep 4, 2013   #1
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

Nowadays, violent crime is on the increase very faster rate among teens. The cause of rising uncontrolled crime crops up due to the lack of preferential treatment among the children. Parents and teachers both are responsible because of adequate care in their particular position. Parental care is first step of children to learn a sense of good behaviour. Psychologists blames parents and teachers who failed to provide social and emotional learning to them. I believe rapid violent crime triggers for inadequate teaching of etiquette during childhood.

It does seem to be true that teens aged under eighteen feel potency in mind and easily can execute anything forcefully which might be cause of spead of violence. Kids imitate what they see doing others without judgement. For example, a child when goes to shool , others may motivate him/her to steal something. In this case, he needs to be tought social and emotional learning by teachers. Which child involves in illicit activities and behave with angry manner, teachers can teach them particularly.

Even teenagers are often out of control of parents. They keep themselve in touch with bad friends and create evil deeds in society. For instance, many girls fall harassment by teenagers as a result stop learning.

In addition, many children are lack of poverty therefore this forces them to involve in crime. They neither get parental care nor teachers' characteristic voice. Violent crime rises violently in order to fullfill the demand of those adult.

In conclusion, i tend to think that not only lack of social and emotional learing contribute neumorous problem but environment around youngsters motivate them to occur violent crime in society. Besides parents and teachers are primary learning centre for children. So they should first be aware of children to cut violent crime.

dumi 1 / 7,201 1592  
Sep 4, 2013   #2
First, I'd like to suggest you to include the topic of your essay. Then we can align the response better with the task.

Nowadays, violent crime is on the increase very faster rate among teens

Nowadays, rate of violent crimes comitted by young teenages is on the increase.

The cause of rising uncontrolled crime crops up due to the lack of preferential treatment among the children

....this is a confusing sentebce. You can present this idea in a more simpler manner.
OP fahadbd 25 / 58 5  
Sep 5, 2013   #3
Dumi
fahadbd:
The cause of rising uncontrolled crime crops up due to(wrong sentence) the lack of preferential treatment among the children....this is a confusing sentebce. You can present this idea in a more simpler manner: > the loss of moral values are the primary cause of rising destructive crime
dumi 1 / 7,201 1592  
Sep 7, 2013   #4
the loss of moral values are the primary cause of rising destructive crime

Very good, this is very clear. You know, it's important to have clarity in your writing more than anything else. The reader likes to understand what you write without difficulty. Then he'd be amused if your writing contains good presetation. So, don't crowd ypur writing with too many comlicated vocabulary and complex sentences. You can write well and take the advantage of it.


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