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IELTS-task2: The increase in weight but decrease in health


khanhlinhpham 2 / 4 2  
Aug 3, 2013   #1
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It can easily noticed that the avarage weight of the world's population has been increasing. Contrary to that growth, there is a considerable decrease in their health and fitness, which is proved by common diseases such as obesity or diabetes. This essay will look at the causes leading to this problem and some solutions to it.

There are many reasons that account for this health issue. First of all, it is the introduction of fast food which results in the significant increase in the average weight. Undoubtedly, fast food is mainly deep fried anf often used with coke. Such combination contains nothing but fat and calories, which is certainly harmful to health. Secondly, more and more people have had inappropriate diets. Their courses include meat, sweets and even junk food, while the amount of vegetable is reduced. This kind of meals may cause diseases from minor like tooth decay to serious such as gout or obesity. Thirdly, of the utmost importance, people are lazy in doing exercises. Taking up sports activities is one of the most effective way to work out weights and be more resistant. However, after working days, some people tend to rest on the sofas and eat snacks instead, turning themselves into couch potatoes.

The situation has been turning worse, demanding for proactive actions. The general public should be warned of the long-term effects of eating fast food. Perhaps, television programmes and newspaper had better nurture people about the threat posed by fast food. Moreover, authorities can encourage people to take part in sports activities. This will not only keep them in good shape, but also ensure a good health. In addition, children ought to be taught about healthy lifestyles such as eating square meals or non-smoking habit. Therefore, they will understand what the best way to live healthily is.

In conclusion, the increase in average weight and decrease in health results from many reasons, which can be dealt with by various measures. However, people should take immediate actions; otherwise, it will be too late to change the situation.
bobinv 5 / 14 3  
Aug 3, 2013   #2
Just a few suggestions:

It can easily noticed that the avarage weight of the world's population has been increasing

One main concern nowadays is the ever increasing average weight of the world population..

First of all, it is the introduction of fast food which results in the significant increase

First of all, the growing popularity of fast food consumption which results in significant increase

people have had inappropriate diets

people have inconsistent food eating habits

people are lazy in doing exercises

people are too lazy to exercise
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 3, 2013   #3
This essay will look at the causes leading to this problem and some solutions to it.

... I feel you need not to say this. It is understood.

You have several reasons highlighted in this paragraph and I think it is not necessary. My suggestion is to stick to one reason and give an example to support it. You may run out of time otherwise. Limit one reason for one para :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 3, 2013   #4
khanhlinhpham:
This essay will look at the causes leading to this problem and some solutions to it.... I feel you need not to say this. It is understood.

.... yes, I also agree with Pahan. It's implied .

You have several reasons highlighted in this paragraph and I think it is not necessary. My suggestion is to stick to one reason and give an example to support it. You may run out of time otherwise.

... This is an essay that asks for the reasons and then measures to arrest the situation. So, you need to dedicate one paragraph for the reasons and the other for measures. There is no harm in having more than one reason because due to the nature of the prompt. I feel it's alright to have more than one reason:)

Overall, I think this is a good essay. You write very well.


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