Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

With increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up

nguyenpham88 1 / -  
2 days ago   #1

resources from unexplored areas in the world

Due to increasing exploitation and consumption of fossil fuels such as oil and gas, natural resources are on the verge of being exhausted. For this reason, it is suggested that scientists should investigate some methods to get access to more resources in unexplored areas in the world . Personally, I find this suggestion reasonable to some extent and my writing would thoroughly examine this view before my opinion is stated.

On the one hand, as the world is witnessing a dramatic growth in population, the demands for fossil fuels are increasing as a result. Based on this, those resources are being exploited to meet the demands, thus leading to the deficiency in the availability of resources. Therefore, once the unknown materials are introduced, people are able to provide themselves with enough resources. Another notable point is that this could pave the way for the scientists and experts to carefully study and conduct research on these remote places. Based on this, there is a likelihood that alternative resources, which are environmentally- friendly, could be explored . Undeniably, having access to unexploited areas can create good chance for scientists as well as non-experts to receive more resources.

On the other hand, problems related to the environment may be raised during the process of finding unused substances. To be more specific, harmful pollutants such as CO2 and sulphur dioxide are being released as a consequence of alternative sources of energy being carelessly exploited. Accordingly, this definitely deteriorates the issues of global warming, rising sea levels or even serious disasters. In addition, this activity also results in a chronic problem that cannot be solved. Obviously, due to the over-exploitation of natural resources, humans are running out of limited fossil fuels. If we continue utilizing these materials in that way, the new resources, if could be found, would be exhausted again. In that case, this problem ends up being worsened, not improved.

To sum up, even though the prospects of meeting the growing demands of humans and new sources of research for scientists are remarkable, detrimental impacts on the environment and a chronic problem should not be neglected. In my opinion, the government and experts should plan some policy to control the exploitation and utilization of these resources , then discoveries of new sources will be applied.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,876 3553  
2 days ago   #2
some extent and my writing would thoroughly examine this view before my opinion is stated.

For TA opinion scoring purposes, try to be more specific. Based on this writing, the clearer option would be similar to:

I find this reasonable to the extent that it relates to or affects (state the opinion reasons, at least 2)

The reference sample above implies the actual extent based on facts rather than emotional measurement. Factual measurement is just as acceptable and sometimes, better scoring than an emotional measurement response when it comes to a TA appropriate opinion and C+ C preliminary scoring.

Based on this,

This is not a very good transition phrase.you need a phrase that better relates the previous discussions with the final discussion topic. This is good and acceptable but could be better. Say something like:

Considering (topic1 and 2), one can deduce /understand why...

Your discussions are sound but need to be better connected in the paragraphs. Look out for the word count too . You only have 40 minutes for the task. Make sure you do not over discuss / write your essay. You might set yourself up for scoring mistakes that way.

Home / Writing Feedback / With increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up