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[IELTS] Increased taxation on petrol and diesel fuel to discourage private cars?


SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 7, 2014   #1

higher fuel and petrol cost



Topic: The burning of oil for transportation, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage the use of private cars.

To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

====================================

There is no doubt our life has had a change for the better since cars were introduced. However, cars themselves, especially private ones, have exerted severe pressure on the environment and economy for wasteful oil consumption. While many believe that petrol and diesel fuel should be charged with the highest taxation, I strongly disagree with this notion.

One can not deny the fact that if petrol and fuel taxation are raised, people might hesitate choosing a personal automobile. Taxation may have tackled the environmental issue simply by diverting people to public transportations such as trains, buses or ferries. Additionally, for those who have already afforded a car, there is a likelihood it is restraint from usage on long journeys or to crowded cities.

However, taxation on flamable resources might backfire by conducing to inflation. To be precise, the more costly petrol is, the higher the price of necessary product: rice, meat or even vegetable. Consequently, people have to turn to cheaper alternatives, which might cause the abundance in goods and later on, economic crisis.

Another point that should be taken into account is countries that import oil will be more dependent on the exporters, both politically and financially. Suppose that the those countries cut down on its oil support, other nations will have to pay more as well as release beneficial policies for them. America, for example, has recently drawn its intervention in Russian crisis only due to the influx of oil.

To summarize, higher fuel and petrol cost has its own pros and cons. However, it disadvantages may outweigh its advantages with regard to economic and politic issues, making it advisable to seek another options to reduce the use of personal cars.

Experts :) Could you guys review this essay for me :) Thanks a lot :)
Revin 2 / 4 1  
Jun 7, 2014   #2
Hey Salmon,
Foremost, I'd like to clarify that I'm no expert :3

Your essay is very well written. It's short, crisp and rather-straight forward. However, the topic pertains to flammable resources being environmentally unfriendly so I strongly feel that you should include alternatives to demean environment destruction in your essay.

Other than that, its excellent, as you have added in a number of consequences if such a thing were to happen and that is a powerful technique.All in all, its a good one. :'D

Cheers
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 7, 2014   #3
Suppose that the those countries ...

However, it its disadvantages ...

try to pay more attention to small details, or it maybe your bigger problem
:)
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 7, 2014   #4
Cheers

Thank you Revin for your kindness :) It made my day ^^ To respond, I have to say I was quite confused whether I should include such alternatives or not. But I read the prompt again, and it said about taxation on such resources to reduce the use of private cars, not the bad impacts of them, so I decided not to include in my essay. Thanks a lot :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 7, 2014   #5
While many believe that petrol and diesel fuel should be charged with the highest taxation

this thesis is not enough to convey the main idea of the essay. Why do this group of people believe a higher taxation rate must be applied on fuel? this point is not clear

I strongly disagree with this notion.

Why did u take this position? you need to briefly mention your reasons as "blueprint"

One can not deny the fact ...

this paragraph is not necessary, since the prompt asked you to give your own viewpoint, either agree or disagree. So, just focus on your opinion and support it.

Suppose that the those countries .

hope this helps,
Good luck,
Ahmad
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 7, 2014   #6
this point is not clear

Oh I see, I should have included "to reduce the use of private cars". I totally forgot it !

Why did u take this position?

What do you mean by "this position" ? I know I should have included " For the 2 reasons" or " for reasons that concern the economy and politics", but what do you mean by saying that?

this paragraph is not necessary

I have seen a few essays did include the for along with the against, will my score lowered if I include both views?

Hope you can reply soon! Thank you :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 7, 2014   #7
What do you mean by "this position" ?

Position means your opinion (agree or disagree). In this case your position is your disagreement with the statement pointed out in the topic.

I have seen a few essays did include the for along with the against, will my score lowered if I include both views?

Some examiners are strict and may reduce your mark if you do that, because for writing an essay you need to exactly answer what the topic asks. The topic did not ask you to discuss two different viewpoints (this is another type of topic, where you may see a sentence like "discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion"). The prompt is an "agree OR disagree" one and u need to take only one position, either agree or disagree, and support your opinion through 2 or 3 paragraphs.

Hope this helps,
Cheers,
Ahmad
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 7, 2014   #8
Oh I see Ah_zafari :) Thanks a lot it is very useful for me :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 19, 2014   #9
You can write very well and there is no doubt on that :) However, when you introduce the issue to the reader, you need to be very careful with presenting it in its full scale. Here you have omitted a small part which is;

... is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible.

What you say is that;

However, cars themselves, especially private ones...

You have not touched on the environmentally irresponsible aspect.
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 19, 2014   #10
hi Dumi :) I thought

have exerted severe pressure on the environment

is enough? Can you clarify a bit?
Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Jun 19, 2014   #11
Grammar

there is a likelihood it is restraint ...

need a conjunction
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 20, 2014   #12
ok thanks :)


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