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TOEFL>Increased teacher's salary will improve the quality of education in a country


ddpddpzzz 3 / 7  
May 11, 2011   #1
Those who think that the original purpose of teachers is not making a lot of money, but teaching and giving lessons of life to students might say that there are nothing to do with between teacher's salaries and the quality of education therefore the education department have to come up with the way to increase the statue of teachers at first. However, i do not agree that statue of teachers, rather than raise teachers' income, is a pivotal role in improving the quality of education in these highly competitive society. There are two major aspects; to motivate teachers to have improved skills and to attract competitive people to this positions.

First, when it comes to motivating teachers to have improved skills in classes, it is significantly important to raise their salaries. Some might say that increasing their salary will vulgarize the social position of teachers because it makes teachers seem to pursue only money. However, they cannot continue to work unless they do not receive proper compensation for their tasks. As society is getting more complex, people are getting highly educated compared to the past. Therefore, the way of making workers work harder at their tasks has changed. it was to simply force and drive them to do that and do this, but now it is to give appropriate rewards and additional incentive when they perform well on their portions. In a survey conducted by the department of Seoul National University, it showed that 89.4% of companies which gave higher salaries to their employees had better work efficiency than which did not. This was the result of the fact that, though compensation, companies could motivated their workers to have satisfaction, so that they could participate their work voluntarily. This is not isolated case; a survey in Japan showed the same results for the same reasons. Considering these aspect, in order to improve the quality of education, instead of giving low salaries to their teachers and blaming them about these trends; lowering the public education, the government rather have to give higher salaries to them and expect them to have exceptional insight in tomorrow's educational trends, unique ways of thinking in making class materials, and special eyes to see others cannot see in finding children's potential.

Moreover, as far as statue of teachers as a job is concerned, it is more effective to give more salaries to teachers. Some might say that a original purpose of becoming teacher is not earning a lot of money, but teaching and giving lessons of life to students and feel satisfying. However, these days, a number of teachers are stressed out due to their low-paying salaries compared to their large amount of works. Besides, because of these facts, even if people majored in education in university, they are reluctant to become teachers, but want to work in private institutions. From struggling to meet expectation of parents to having a hard time with students who do not follow their order, there is nothing harder job than teachers. By giving a higher salaries to teachers, governments not only attract more competitive teachers in school, but also ease teachers' financially burdens. To illustrate my points, my father worked in school three years ago. While he was on duty, he always considered my tuition and increased home lease. Finally, he decided that he quited this job. However, he could not quit his job because there was no teacher who could replace his position. This was results of vicious cycle caused by giving low salaries to teachers. if the government keep to give low salary to their teachers, it will cause fatal damage both nation and its people.

pg_mbastudent 2 / 3  
May 11, 2011   #2
I am glad my comments helped. I liked that u introduced some facts, that is a good thing. You are also making some strong points by saying how paying less to teachers might affect the whole education system and how it would motivate the teachers to do their best. So yes the essay is formed pretty well.

I am not sure about your word limit for the essay. If you are above word limit, then there are few sentences that I felt were repeatitions, you can probably get rid of those.

I would say use Microsoft Word to get rid of any of those grammatical and spelling mistakes, that should help u a lot.

Gud Luck !
bahareh 18 / 50  
May 12, 2011   #3
Hi;
I think you should use more simple sentences to get more accuracy. for example, you first sentence could be changed like this:
Those who think that the original purpose of teaching is not only making a lot of money, but giving real lessons to students. They might say that there is no connection between teacher's salaries and the quality of education. Therefore, the education department has to come up with the way to increase the statue of teachers at first.

bahareh
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
May 13, 2011   #4
PG, Bahareh, you are so great. Thanks for the help you gave here.

Lee Jae Hong, I'm glad we have you as a member of our forum!

I think you should use more simple sentences to get more accuracy.

Yes, this is a good idea. When the sentences are long, there is probably an error. Work with short sentences as you prepare for toefl.

For example:
Those who think that the purpose of teaching is not to make a lot of money might believe that there instructional quality has nothing to do with salary. However, I do not agree. The status of teachers, rather than raise teachers' income, plays a pivotal role in improving the quality of education in this highly competitive society.

There are two major aspects; to motivate teachers to have improved skills and to attract competitive people to this teaching positions.---I agree!! The work of teachers is as important as the work of doctors!

As PG mentioned, statue is not the right word. A statue is a piece of art, like the Statue of Liberty.
Moreover, as far as status of teachers' jobs are concerned, it is more effective to give higher salaries to teachers.

Practice typing the essay with the correct grammar by using the corrections here. If you have time, post another draft below. :-)


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