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The increasing cost of living standards has pushed humans to work more. The purpose of a business.


ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Sep 4, 2016   #1
The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on it. Do you agree or disagree?

The primary aim of working in a business is to earn amount of money. However, people also have to concern in other importance. I believe that general people should care about their society beside of raise a lot of money to address their personal necessities.

The increasing cost of living standards has pushed humans to work more. In the modern era, most of people who live in urban areas spend more than a half of their 24 hours to make money. They are employed in full time jobs or manufacture their own-labelled products. Consequently, they get a plenty of money and they can fulfill all of their necessities even the luxury ones. The reserve, modern individuals almost never have socialized with their social community. They become individualists who have lower empathy for the poor and ignore their societies.

Apart from satisfying personal desire, humans should concern to preserve their social interaction. Another aspect that should get more attention from well-paid workers is helping others who have weaknesses. Instead of buying a number of expensive items, people are supposed to collect their money in order to give funds to others. In addition, individuals have other roles in a society such as establishing a good relationship with neighbours, friends and families. Doing those may give people another enjoyment that cannot obtain by having a lot of money like feeling comfortable and peaceful.

In conclusion, working people should have intentions to not only earn a lot of money for themselves but also to collect social aid for others and having a good social networking. Hence those can completely obtain personal and social satisfaction.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Sep 5, 2016   #2
Hi Eka..
We meet again on this website. In this meeting, I only focus on contents of your writing because you can improve your grammar after you review my suggestions and the others previously. These below are my thoughts.


I believe that general people should care about their society

Turning to your thesis statement, you actually have stood out in a position clearly. However, you should mention important factors which you mean. You give underline of your opinion solely because you will explain deeply and clearly in the body paragraph.

I BELIEVE THAT THE OWNER SHOULD ALSO PAY ATTENTION TO SOME OF NECESSARY NECESSARY FACTORS SUCH AS KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH CONSUMERS AND .....

... standards has pushed humans to work more

I don't know why you added that sentence. It actually can break the coherence of the paragraph. You should directly explain why the entrepreneurs focus on enhancing their income.

... never have socialized with their social community

Be careful of the edge of the task response. That sentence really did not relate to the prompt of the sentence. Please, you aware about that.

In conclusion, working people should have intentions ...

Eka, you conclusion is less strong because you did not show your opinion clearly. I cannot sense your disagreement with the statemen. I suggest you make it clearer so that the conclusion can strengthen your opinion previously.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK


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