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IELTS Task 2 - The increasing influence of the young generation


rubychautran 10 / 27 7  
Jun 27, 2018   #1
Question: Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation.
Why is this the case?
What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?


Young generation rules



Answer:

In today's society, it seems like the older generations are no longer a figure of authority. Rather, young people are becoming unprecedentedly influential in a number of ways. The results of this trend are various changes in the young - old generation relationship.

The influences that young people possess today are largely a result of technology development. Firstly, the wide availability of Internet provides not only unlimited sources of knowledge, but also new schools of thoughts and immediately updated events around the world for the youth. Such knowledge is a profound means of empowerment, as it provides young people with critical thinking skills and a more accurate view of the world around them. In addition, new means of communication, especially social media, offer a convenient platform for the young to express their opinions. As a result, young people nowadays constitute a major, influential part of public opinions on social matters.

As a result of this trend, the relationship between the old and young generations is undergoing profound, and mostly positive changes. Specifically, preceding generations used to be the powerhouse in the society. They were typically more knowledgeable, and thus carried more weight to their words. As young people start to be empowered by knowledge, the relationship seems to demonstrate more equality, which allows more converstion and understanding between the generations.

In conclusion, the rapid development of technology has given young people a more influential role in the society. Such change has made the relationship between young and old generations more equal. This appears to be a positive change since it allows generations to nurture more understanding in the inter-generation relationship.

natashaebab 3 / 9 1  
Jun 27, 2018   #2
Hello! This is a good essay. I think you achieved all the marking criteria. What type if question is that?
hyperephania 9 / 20 2  
Jun 27, 2018   #3
Your overall idea is clear to understand adn the logical order flows smoothly.
However, there are some minor mistakes that I think you should correct to improve:
... are the various changes ...
... the unlimited sources of knowledge, ... and immediately frequently updated events".

Also, you should add a connector in your thesis statement to link the two sentences and paraphrase the connector "as a result" in the first sentence of the second body paragraph.

Hope this helps you one way or another!
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jun 28, 2018   #4
Tran, the immediate problem that I saw with your essay is that it is not as close to the original as it should be because you focused on beginning the discussion of your response rather than familiarizing the reader with the prompt discussion and its related questions first. Let me show you a sample of a more applicable paraphrase.

The rise of the current generation of youth in terms of control and impact in the 21st century when compared to the past eras of young people has created a question regarding this growing trend. I believe that this is happening because... Therefore, the impact it has between the previous generation and the current young generation is...

Do not use 2 topics in one paragraph. Your first topic will always be better developed than the second topic because these share a 5 sentence maximum count. Focus on a proper explanation of one topic in one paragraph. You have a total of 3 body paragraphs allotted for your discussion. Maximize its use by discussing one topic per paragraph, you will create a better explanation and presentation for each reason. In this essay, you discussed 2 topics in the second paragraph and I found myself unsettled by the way that your reasoning was portrayed as uneven and incomplete in the said paragraph.

Your concluding paragraph is not an appropriate concluding summary because you added a new topic for discussion at the end of it.

Such change has made the relationship between young and old generations more equal. This appears to be a positive change since it allows generations to nurture more understanding in the inter-generation relationship.

This created an open ended rather than concluded final essay paragraph instead. Use the concluding paragraph in the proper manner, that of a concluding summary that highlights the discussion points and a restatement of the prompt and your opinion in a newly worded manner as the closing sentences instead.
OP rubychautran 10 / 27 7  
Jun 28, 2018   #5
Thanks everyone for your feedback!
@Holt I'll definitely keep that in mind! Thank you.


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