Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS TASK 2 : increasing the number of sport facilities in order to improve public health


Mowonight 9 / 19 3  
Mar 8, 2014   #1
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I know your website through the wise advices of my supervisor "Ajitrai88", a old member :)
Above is the subject I decided to treat with my answer (326 words). Thanks a lot in advance for your feedback(s) !

Subject : Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views nad give your own opinion.

Answer :

Lately, obesity has became a major part in politic and a big issue in the scientist area. The fact of nowdays is that people are more used to eat fast food than trying to have a dynamic and healthy life. A way to resolve this problem would be showing good aspects of sport through a enhanced propaganda about sport. However, some people think that it is not the question and health problem would be due to others aspects. In any case, sport had always been one of the best way to keep an healthy body and avoid fatal accidents.

Sport is an essential part of our life as human being. It is practiced to stay healthy of course, but also to run our daily life. « An healthy mind in an healthy body » is the quote which illustrate well my point of view. Thus, why not create a sport section in each company ? Furthermore the modern jobs is actually very passive, physically speaking, and nowdays, a typical employe is sitting in a chair during the whole day.

In order to motivate the sport practicer, it would be wise to grow the social interactions and the fun through it. Moreover, proximities services would ease the practicants to come daily and keep a routine as a sportive.

If spite of that, to decline the general health problem which touch the citizens, decisions should be rise. Such as : avoid the too much advertisements about non-healthy food, forbid cigaret selling to people under the majority year, avoid rudeness at school or work in order to decrise the stress and depressure...

Overall, we are living in a free country, so people can eat, smoke or drink sodas however they want. But as a fact, we should also have the choice to have healthy habits and practice a sport. And there is no reason that practicing sport would appeared to be more complicated that going in a fast food.

Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Mar 9, 2014   #2
Hi Movonight,
I hope the following information will be helpful for your future writing.

Lately, obesity has became a major part in politic and a big issue in the scientist area

---> Please don't narrow down your topic by stating one particular issue or item in your introduction.

Follow Dumi's strategy to frame your introduction as well as rest the essay. Good Luck!!!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 10, 2014   #3
Of course, 5 para is great if you can handle time effectively. Even you can earn a real good score with 4 para too and I have some experience with that. However, what is most important is that you complete your essay with intro, body paras and conclusion. Also, I am not really in favor of discussing the opposite side of the argument if you support one side of the argument. I don't think it would help you a lot. What you have to be mindful about this task is that this is only a task to test your English proficiency levels and not a very advance level examination. You only need to display your writing skills in terms of grammar, vocabulary, sentence structures etc.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Mar 10, 2014   #4
Hey Dumi, I actually told him to use a 5 para approach. Discussing the counter-argument is to show what other side can say and then use the advantages of your opinion to show how the merits outweigh the demerits of your opinion !!! I actually used to follow this approach only. !!

I hope you can help out this guy in his next posts too :)

Ciao
OP Mowonight 9 / 19 3  
Mar 10, 2014   #5
Of course, 5 para is great if you can handle time effectively.

That's the point. I'll experiment both and find out what is the best.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : increasing the number of sport facilities in order to improve public health