Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Increasing use of vehicles contributes to air pollution and leads to an overuse of natural resources

maitouyen1 8 / 19  
Feb 7, 2017   #1
hi! I am practicing IETLS and I got this prompt
More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? how can these problems be solved?

the consequences of 'over-presence' of cars on the roads

Nowadays, an increasing number of the usage of private cars has been controversy. It is agreed that increasing use of vehicles is contributing to air pollution and certain the lack of resources. While some negative consequences are unavoidable, government and individuals can take steps to address the problems.

There are many problems connected with an increasing in the usage of private cars. One problem is that it has a bad impact on our environment such as air pollution. Exhaust fumes from vehicles have been produced by cars every day, so Greenhouse Effect becomes aggravate. Consequently, the temperature of the earth is much hotter and the sea level is increasing. Not only do people must suffer from disasters such as earthquake, flood, tidal wave but also the life's quality is diminishing, which people must be responsible for. Running out of fossil fuels like petrol and diesel is another issue. The overconsumption of natural resources has a bad effect on the civilians. The cost of natural resources will be much higher if the overconsumption of natural resources is going to raise the few decades. Because governments are not able to produce fossil fuels.They have to import them from other countries and raise the price of civilian's duty.

Solving an increasing in the usage of private cars problem is really important. Firstly, governments have to improve public transportation's standard as soon as possible. Using public transportations are one of the solutions to reduce an increasing in the usage of private cars. In fact, so many people think that public transportations which are not fast as private cars and really dirty. Therefore, governments ensure that civilians benefit from using it. Secondly, carpooling is another option. People who work in the same office can share car journeys.

In conclusion, improving public transportations and carpooling is the best solution to an increasing number of the usage of private cars. If we work together, we can overcome this serious threat.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Feb 7, 2017   #2
To, in the opening statement, you should not present a reason in the discussion. You should only offer an overview or give an outline of the topics you will be discussing as per the prompt requirement. So the inclusion of air pollution and lack of resources should not be included in the first paragraph. Instead, just say that you will be discussing the problems associated with the increase of car usage in the succeeding paragraphs.

In the second paragraph, you accidentally associated car use with global warming. While there is a connection, it is very difficult to prove that global warming, as you discussed it is a direct result of increased car usage. Since you provided 2 problems caused by car use, focus on the more believable and easily justifiable discussion instead, air pollution. In these types of essays, presenting one solid and concentrated discussion of a reason is more effective than offering 2 topics for discussion. One of the two will become under developed and useless in the essay. In this case, the cause that become ill effective in the discussion was air pollution, which is the more commonly associated result of increased car usage.

The reference to car pooling and improving public transportation should be discussed as a fully paragraph. This is a new topic for discussion and must therefore, be thoroughly developed and strengthened in reasoning and presentation prior to the conclusion. The conclusion should only close the essay by repeating the information in the opening statement, along with the discussed topics and your own opinion if required, as a recap of the previous discussion.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Feb 7, 2017   #3
Hey Maitouyen!!

Overall an ok essay.
I think your conclusion is pretty solid. But the introduction can be written in a better way.
The content seems to be less.

I've slightly modified the Introduction -
In the present day, the rising number of private vehicles on the roads have been a matter of great controversy. Some say it is a direct consequence of modernization and economic development, but is this really a boon?

In the content part of the essay is where you answer the question in detail. Write points in favor.
1) The increasing no of vehicles = More exhaust fumes = Direct damage to ozone layer in atmosphere and greenhouse effect.( Rising global temperature)
2) Increasing consumption and depletion of natural resources.

Other points include -
*Traffic congestion leading to noise pollution.
* Increasing Road traffic accidents, etc

Start the second part of the question with something like-
The problems associated with increasing private vehicles has dire consequences and needs prompt actions for it's control.

* Improving standards of Public transport and introduction of new means like metro rail lines.
* Carpooling
* Certain Govt. laws regarding the no. of vehicles per home. ( I think i read an article of the sort somewhere, so that can be one of the steps the govt takes to ensure less vehicles.)

Good Luck! :)

Home / Writing Feedback / Increasing use of vehicles contributes to air pollution and leads to an overuse of natural resources