Any constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Thank you so SO much:).
TOPIC: Name three adjectives that describe you well and explain your choices.
For the past sixteen year, the question regarding who I really am, has never been answer exactly. Appearantly, 3 words will never be sufficient to depict a person. But then again, if you, John Bapst and I are going to have this 2-year relationship with eachother, I'd like to sell myself a little.
Independent
We were in debt. When I was only an innocent 3-year-old little girl, our family faced a severe financial problem. So my parents had to move to South Africa to find another opportunity. Since then, I have lived with my grandparents and gradually grown into a girl of independence and mature. I learned to cook at the age of 10, I went to school alone by bus, on foot even. And when my little sister was born, my parents brought her back to Vietnam and ever since, my main job at home was to take care of her.
Artistic
Every single part of my body proudly say that I am an artistic person. I am engrossed in everything involved with arts or music. I give my family, the whole neighborhood and my shower the pleasure of hearing my voice at the highest pitch accompanied with the so-called "music" that comes out of my guitar. All so, the beauty of nature inspires me. I would spend an entire day holding a camera, taking random buses, wandering around the streets and capturing photos of random things.
Curious
I have always wanted to travel around the world. But my journal has only restricted to Singapore unfortunately. I am curious about what more is out there. That is one of the reasons why I decided to go study abroad.
With these characters, I believe you, John Bapst and I were meant to be together. And I expect you to help me become a more well-rounded person. And I, in return, will devote myself completely to John Bapst.
For the past sixteen years , the question regarding who I really am, has never been answered exactly. Apparently , 3three words will never be sufficient to depict a person. But then again, if you, John Bapst and I are going to have this 2two -year relationship with each other, I'd like to sell myself a little.
Independent
We were in debt. When I was only an innocent little3three -year-old (write the numbers under 10 in words)little girl, our family faced a severe financial problem. So my parents had to moveimmigrate to South Africa with the hope of finding new opportunitiesto find another opportunity . Since then, I have lived with my grandparents and gradually grown into an independent and mature girl of independence and mature . I learned to cook at the age of 10, I went to school alone by bus, on foot even (You can talk about more difficult situations that you could overcome. For example talk about the moments you missed your parents OR talk about the obstacles you had to overcome alone) . And when my little sister was born, my parents brought her back to Vietnam and ever since, my main job at home was to take care of her.
Thank you so much.
I don't know why I made such stupid grammar mistakes ><
any comments about the content please?
'Artistic' seems a bit scatterbrained, jumping from singing to nature to picture-taking to buses. Also has some grammar mistakes.
Every single part of my body proudly says that I am an artistic person. I am engrossed in everything involving arts or music. I give my family, the whole neighborhood and my shower the pleasure of hearing my voice at my highest pitch accompanied with the so-called "music" that comes out of my guitar. Also , the beauty of nature inspires me. I would spend an entire day holding a camera, taking random buses, wandering around the streets and capturing photos of random things. This last sentence would be best as something like I spend entire days wandering around both by foot and by bus with a camera, taking photos of whatever catches my interest. This flows a bit better, is consistent in tense, and ties better into Curiosity.
Speaking of which, Curiosity is really short. Maybe mention curiosity in your normal life as well as in travel? For example, mentioning specific instances of questions you have had, like 'Why are snowflakes six-sided' or something, would make it longer and demonstrate how curious you are.
EDIt: Also font colors don't work inside each other. : (
Also, curious as to what your native language is?
MY SECOND DRAFT. I get rid of the curiosity part because I cannot find anything else to back it up.
ANY COMMENTS WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED.
THANKS A LOT.
Finding the perfect school to apply is pretty much the same as looking for the right partner. To be honest, I have been your secret admirer for a while now. But I do not want to continue stalking you from more than 7900 miles away. I want to be with you. So if you, John Bapst, and I were going to have this two-year relationship with each other, I would like to introduce myself a little.
Independent
We were in debt. When I was only an innocent three-year-old girl, our family faced a severe financial problem. So my parents had to immigrate to South Africa with the hope of finding new opportunities. Since then, I have lived with my grandparents and gradually grown into a girl of independence and maturity. I learned to cook for my family at the age of ten, I went to school alone by bus, on foot even. And when my little sister was born, my parents brought her back to Vietnam and ever since, my main job at home was to take care of her. Sometimes, when life gets hard, bad things happen in school, or at times when I get sick, I just feel like giving up. But then I think of my parents and I hold my head high and keep trying. Still, I never blame them for anything because I know everything they have done is for me and my family.
Artistic
Or art inclined may I say. I am engrossed in everything involving arts and music. I give my family, the whole neighborhood the pleasure of hearing my voice at my highest pitch accompanied with the help from my precious guitar. That is the moment when the world submerges and the music comes the life. Also, the beauty of nature inspires me. I would spend an entire day wandering around both on foot and by bus with a camera, taking photos of whatever catches my interest. I like to draw things out to solve problems; with that, the solution would turn out to be more creative and unpredictable and a lot of times, more productive.
Shy but confident
Shy, or meek, is a remarkable characteristic of mine. But do not get me wrong, I am not that kind of person who sits alone in the corner of the class staring at the wall. I am articulate enough to always get a nine over ten when it comes to presentations in literature or history class. Also, I am an effective vice president of the class. Whenever I stand on the platform to inform the class about something, they would remain silence. But still I stay approachable and helpful whenever my classmates need assistance. Sometimes I appear meek and vulnerable so that people would open up to me more.
So there they are, my three main characters. I hope we will soon be a perfect match.
