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TOEFL Independent Task - Should children be allowed to have smartphones.


tung2011 1 / 2  
Aug 18, 2016   #1
Hi guys, My name is Tung. I am a newbie of essayforum.com. This is the first time that I have posted an essay to this forum, and because my writing skills still needs to improve, so I will be very grateful if you guys could give me any suggestions about this essay. And I hope to work with you guys on correcting many essays. Thanks for reading this.

In this modern globalization era, many advanced technologies have been made to aid more benefits to the people's lives. Especially in life communications, smartphones are being the most beneficial tools. Unfortunately, the pros and cons of that kind of tools have been debated whether the early access to this kind of technologies are good are bad to children. Does this means that smartphones should be banned from the reach of young-aged people? In my point of view, I wholeheartedly believe that parents should not forbid their children from owning that kind of tools.

First, smartphones are the most convenient tools which have the functions of both the cell phones and the computers. Two are always better than one, isn't it? Consequently, they bring out many advantages to children. For example, a child wants to find more information on its assigned homework. To do so, only 2 tools are able for an internet access: smartphone and computer. Using computer is only for accessing the sources, but using smartphone can additionally help the kid to carry those sources freely to places which are good study environments. Therefore, not only does the kid can learn more effective, but he or she one also can avoid from sitting in front of the computer for hours affecting negatively on the eyes.

Second, having the smartphones is vital for parents in keeping contact with their children. Smartphones have already been upgrade to have GPS devices helping to keep tracks on the users. Also, the calling systems of smartphones make getting an instant connect to those users easier. Consequently, parents can precisely know where their children have been. For example, a kid has gone for hours, and its parents worry sick whether the child is facing dangerous or not. If the child does not have a smartphone, there is no possible way to find him or her. By having that tool, which has a GPS device, tracking down where that child went is much easier. Also, parents could call him to see what is going on. This will help a lot in finding the kid. So letting a child to own a smartphone is crucial. Not only does the child can be found whatever the situation was, but it also can avoid from unable to reunite with its family.

For these reasons, giving children the smartphones is necessary. There are many benefits gained from using these tools, such as learning more effectively and helping parents to keep track on their children. For the sake of the society and the safety of the children, giving the chance of owning the smartphones to children is very important. Maybe, they can learn from the pros and cons of these tools. So that in the near future, they can make a more innovative forms of smartphones which will aid even more benefits to the society.

Halim15 7 / 11  
Aug 18, 2016   #2
hello Tung

I like your essay, that looks like a good arrangement.
perhaps you can make easy your sentence with "In this modern era, the globalization ....

Happy writing!
thank you
OP tung2011 1 / 2  
Aug 19, 2016   #3
Wait Halim15, can I ask about how to add "Help with mine..." phrase with the link the same as the above message to the response?
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 19, 2016   #4
HI Tung,
Let me help you a little,

- ..., smartphones are being the most beneficial tools. .
... access to this kind of technologies are good areor bad to children.
- Does this means that smartphones should be banned from the reach of young-aged people?people in a young age should be banned of using smartphones?

- ... convenient tools which have the functions of both the cell phones andlike the computers.
- To do so, only 2 kind of tools are able for aninternet accessto access the internet.
- Therefore, not only does the kid can learn more effective but also he or she one also can avoid fromto sitsitting in front of the computer ...

Hopefully it helps.
dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Aug 19, 2016   #5
Hi Tung! may I correct your summary?

are good are bad to children. => or

Using computer isnot only for accessing the sources, but alsousing smartphone ....

... kid can learn more effective, but also he or she one also...

getting an instant connect => connection

those users easier. =>easily

its parents => her/his parents

So letting a child to own => it's better not use so in the beginning of the sentence = In addition , ...


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