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TOEFL Independent Essay : "The impact of television has been more positive towards society"


sus_007 5 / 20  
Aug 20, 2016   #1
The inventions gifted by the glory of science and technology in the human civilization has only brought fruitful consequences to us. Moreover, the electronic means of communication, like the T.V.-acronym for television, has accelerated the pace of revolution promoting delightful lifestyle and instant communication. This revolution has led to the formation of dichotomy of the population into two distinct groups with dissimilar enthusiasm regarding television viewing experience. In my opinion, the television has only contributed in a positive manner towards human society for several authentic reasons.


First, human life would be gloomy without the modern electronic resources like television. If the houses of the people all over the globe were to be surveyed, then they all would have a single piece of equipment in common hanging on the walls or resting on the tables, delivering daily doses of joyous programs, that is undoubtedly, a television.

Second, television has become a prominent source of knowledge and information, which keeps people "au courant". From the nursery rhymes to the Beethoven's symphonies, television is a storehouse for all those entertaining commodities, however, it has also been efficient in teaching people significant skills for survival and providing knowledge for enlightenment via it's wide ranges of programs and shows under the authority of Cable television network, entitled for the distribution of multimedia items all around the globe. Furthermore, the broadcasting of the breaking news concerning several critical global affairs and happenings proves to be very resourceful for the working class population.

Third, the integration of the television with the Internet technology has resulted even more fascinating tech-medley. People can shop any purchasable goods by browsing across the web-portals, and they can achieve those ordered commodities within a blink of an eye on their front door.


In a nutshell, although enjoying specific sophisticated facilities of television demands the installation of particular model or brand of equipment, the television has become the third eye for the human beings, abridging each and every nook and corners of the world to the people's living room. Therefore, it can be concluded that modern inventions like television, responsible for enriching human's hierarchy in the pyramid of intelligent beings, has very minute harmful consequences in community, in fact, the glee and enlightenment it shares is insurmountable and overwhelmingly covers up few infinitely worthless setbacks.

eminhaqi 4 / 7  
Aug 20, 2016   #2
First paragraph

human civilization hashave

Moreover, the electronic means of communication , likesuch asthe T.V.-acronym for television, has

the pace of the revolution promotingthat promotes a

formation of a dichotomy ofwithin the population intopopulation:

viewing experiences

In my opinion, the television has made only contributed in a positive manner towardscontribution for
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 21, 2016   #3
Hi sus,

- Moreover, the electronic means of communication likesuch athe T.V.-acronym for television,
- In my opinion, the television has only contributed in a positive ...
- ... be gloomy without the modern electronic resources like television.
- tech-medley, web-portals (it is better if you don't abridge the words)
- ... and enlightenment it shares isare insurmountable and ...

I think you made a good essay. Hopefully it helps.
eminhaqi 4 / 7  
Aug 21, 2016   #4
Body - First paragraph:

without the modern electronic resources

If the houses of the people, all over the globe ,people's houses were to be surveyed, then they would all would have

Body - Second paragraph:

which keeps people "au courant". (Your French usage at the end is correct, but a little strange. The only time I use French words are when they are quite common (e.g. a la mode). I would say "which keeps people up to date.")

entertaining commodities,;

via it'sits

wide ranges

of the Cable

which is entitled for

Body - Third paragraph:

of the television with the Internet

resulted in an even more

shop for any purchasable

across the web-portals,

they can achieve thosereceive the

within athe blink of an eye onat

Concluding paragraph:

although enjoyingenjoyment of the

of television demandsrequires

of a particular modelmake or brandmodel of equipment, the televisionit(Genuine British English provided: "make" instead of "brand".)

the human beingshumans ,

abridging each andbringing

nook and cornerscranny(the usual expression, "nook and cranny". You can substitute the single word "corner" if you don't like "nook and cranny".)

the people's living rooms.

likesuch as television are responsible for enriching human's hierarchyenhancing humanity's standing in the pyramidhierarchy of intelligent beings and has very minutefew harmful consequences; in community, in fact,

enlightenment it sharestelevision provides is insurmountableincomparable to --
covers up few infinitely worthless setbackscompensates for -- its few drawbacks.
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 21, 2016   #5
hi..

Moreover, the electronic means of communication like the T.V.-acronym for television has accelerated thepace of revolution of promoting delightful lifestyle ...

... to the formation of dichotomy of the populationpopulation dichotomy into two distinct groups with dissimilar enthusiasm regarding television viewing experience in TV. In my opinion, the television has only contributed in a positive manner towards ...

If the housesWhen their homeof the people all over..

the broadcasting of the breaking news concerninghas several critical global affairs and happenings proves to be very resourceful for the working work class population.

In my opinion, the television has made only contributed in a positive manner towards contribution .....

-Pay attention for the meaning, it help reader easily to understand your essay.
-subject verb agreement.
bbcheesecake14 10 / 14  
Aug 22, 2016   #6
hii, here is my correction for your essay.

-formation of a dichotomy ofwithin the population intopopulation
-enlightenment it shares isare insurmountable plural using are
-they can achieve thosereceive the
-the television has only contributed
perhaps, thats all. you should pay attention for a little thing in writing. keep spirit and correct me if i wrong yaaa. thankyou :)


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