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TOEFL independent essay: Would you maintain your customs if moving to another country?


Mikermn  
May 30, 2016   #1
When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

A common proverb in Italy says: country where you go, habits that you find. This simple sentence tell how important is the variety in customs and routines. Personally, I prefer to adapt to new customs, without forgetting the typical of my birth country. I feel this way for two reasons that I will discuss in the following essay.

First of all, you have to adapt to the overall context for a matter of socialization: people around you are used to eat at a different hour, spend their free time in other activities or going at work at a certain hour. My personal experience is a perfect example of this. I'm italian but I live in Spain and I had to get used to a different hour for have dinner, the practice of having breakfast with bread and tomato, to spend my sunday afternoon drinking something in a terrace. It's a simple question of adaptation and, right now, I don't miss my original customs.

Secondly, it's good to get used to habits of a new country for the main reason of discover diversity and what really makes a country different from the rest of the world. I believe that one of the best ways to enjoy a trip is identifying deeply with the surrounding environment, trying to do all the activities that locals retain part of their own culture. If I kept my habits, I would never discovered little pleasures of Spain, like spanish tortilla, watch flamenco's shows, being seduced by the great popular celebrations.

To summarize, there are two categories of people: who remains loyal to his own habits even if living outside, and who change everything. I'm in the second group, and living a situation so closed, I couldn't be happier.
sinahector  
May 30, 2016   #2
Hi
I think you need more practice.
Here are some points
his simple sentence tells
how important is the variety in customs and routines are
to eat at different hours
to spend my S unday afternoon drinking something in a terrace something
reason of discovering diversity

(If you find my revise helpful please like it)
hamed54321  
May 30, 2016   #3
Hi
Your writing is very good and with a little more practice you can have a very good score in TOEFL
Pay attention to the following points:
1)if you use a proverb, be sure to translate it correctly.
2)work at a certain hourtime
3)I had to get used to a different hour forto have dinner
4)identifying deeply with the surrounding environment (I could not understand the meaning )
5)trying to do all the activities
6)being seduced (maybe find a better word ) by the great popular celebrations :)))))
7)and who changes everything
If you liked my points please like it :)))
With a bit more practices, you can have the best score in your exam
BEST OF LUCK
Nahid87 7  
May 30, 2016   #4
Hey;)
Some correction about your essay as follow:


A common proverb in Italy says: " country where you go, habits that you find." This simple sentence tell how important is the variety in customs and routines(implies importance of the customs and routines) .

... without forgetting the typicalthe primary and basic cultures of my birth country. I feel this way for two reasonsthat I will discuss in the following essay (My performable has two reasons which I would explore as follows) .

First of all, you have to adapt to the overall context for a matter of socialization:( to adjust yourself with new society and culture.) people around you, are used to eat at a different hour, spend their free time in other activitiesin a different way, or evengoing at work at a certain hourwork in different hours .

... perfect example of thissituation . I'm italianItalian but I live in Spain and. I had to get used to a different hour for havehaving dinner,or even change my habitat to eat bread and tomato for breakfastthe practice of having breakfast with bread and tomato , to spend my sunday ...

It's a simple question of adaptation and, right now, I don't miss my original customs. (it is not clear for me as a reader)

... a new country for the main reason offor discovering diversity and what really ...
I believe that one of the best ways to enjoy a trip is identifyingunderstanding deeply with the surrounding environment...
If I kept my habits, I would never discovered feel little pleasures of Spain, like ...

I'm in the second group, and living a situation so closed, I couldn't be happier.(it is unclear)

I think, it is better to state your other paragraph's topic sentences thorough the introduction to guide better your reader. Also, syntax is inconsistent. Your essays suffer from lack of coherence and cohesion. If you prepare for toefl exam, your writing is too short and you should write about 100 words more. I strongly suggest you write more and more sample essay if you want to get a good score

good luck


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