Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

TOEFL independent writing task 1. A new restaurant may be built in your neighorhood.

fufuleilei 1 / 2  
Mar 14, 2017   #1
My first TOEFL indepentdent writing training.

A new restaurant may be built in your neighorhood. Support or opposite this plan?

A new, substantial service

The number of the substantial services near a community ia an important target to evaluate the people's living standards who living there. One requirement of these services is that they should be convenient. From this viewpoint, I definitely agree if a restaurant is built in my neighbourhood.

This new comming "neighbour" can make my family and I eat food whenever we want. It's time saving. We won't need to drive a long way to find a restaurant and suffer from the terrible traffic. This will especially benefit my parents because they are a little old for long time driving. Also, if my family getting familiar with people who are working in this restaurant near my home,they are more likely to take care of my parents when I am working. And they will fulfill my tastes and other demands. Thus they will serve me better than those restaurants far away from my house.

Apart from the benifits to my family, this resaurant can taken as a good social place. Because my neighbours will eat there, I can always meet them outside my house. Sharing happiness and making friends with new neighbours. We may have same interests on what's happenning in our community. If anyone needs help, I can give a hand.

Although this restaurant may make noise and smoke, as long as it obey the related regulations, I will accept it as my new 'neighbour'.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,117 3262  
Mar 14, 2017   #2
Lei, you can get a score around 3 on this essay due to a number of problems that have been presented in the essay. For starters, you need to pay more attention to your English spelling. While you are doing your practice tests in a word document, be aware of the red lines that appear under a word. The red line indicates a misspelled word that needs to be corrected. You have numerous wrongly spelled words in the essay such as "comming" (coming) and benifits (benefits). Since spelling is one of the major scoring considerations, you need to make sure that you do not have any mistakes in that area. You also need to develop better English sentence structures for the sake of grammar range and accuracy. You have simple sentences in the essay that are not properly developed, these obscure the meaning of your words and usually results in a misunderstanding or lack of understanding of your statement. While you do have problems with the essay development and presentation, your line of reasoning is good, acceptable, and portrays a clear understanding of the prompt requirements. Good job on that part. If the other 2 sections had only been better, this essay could have easily been a 4.
OP fufuleilei 1 / 2  
Mar 15, 2017   #3

Hi, Mary

Thank you soooo much! And your advice is very important to me. I will practice a lot to avoid these mistakes.

Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL independent writing task 1. A new restaurant may be built in your neighorhood.