Hello, this is my essay for TOEFL writing task. Please, evaluate it for me. Any suggestions are appreciable.
If you can give me an estimated score, I will be gratefull.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Learning a second language early
As everything in life is like a coin that has two dissimilar sides, people must weigh the pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. After all each and every question or topic must require careful deliberation in that there are always two multiple variables to the truth. Some people may adamantly believe that children don't have the obligation to learn foreign language when they are in the primary school. But I think such opinion lack coherence to some extent. In my humble opinion, Young students must take courses and learn foreign language when they are about eight or nine years old for the following reasons.
First and foremost, the majority of individuals would agree with the notion that learning a foreign language is significantly important to the adolescents as they will have an open-mind to learn a lot of things that isn't exist in their mother tongue language. The main reason behind this rationale is that when students in earlier ages learn two or more languages will lead to myriad of advantages. To illustrate more thoroughly, my sister Jessy is in the Maria Auzelia school and they learn: Arabic, English, and Francis. There was a trip the last week; she was sitting on pins and needles waiting for the lucky students who will go to California and try this outstanding experience. Two weeks later, the results appeared and she was in the crew who will travel. As, she speaks English pretty well, her communication with people out there was effortless for her. In addition to this, when they visited Harvard university to talk to the counselors and professors, it wasn't tough to every single student to communicate with them. So, as she learned the language and how to communicate with the others in their own language, she was comfortable when she was there. All in all, we shouldn't and can't overlook learning foreign language is tremendously important for the young-age people.
On top of this, if the students didn't learn second language and be proficient in it, it can lead to unfavorable ramifications. In the eyes of many people in present day society, the students who don't care about learning and getting knowledge form other countries by learning their languages isn't preferable to lots of people. A great example of this would be my friend peter, the student who don't know anything about the entire world because of his unawareness. We were in a trip to the museum in Cairo and the instructor was talking in English. All of the individuals in the seminar were understanding every single word except Peter. This mainly due to the fact that he didn't grow himself in language when he was in childhood so he is now suffering because of this. Long story short, it's clear as a day to me that, we have an obligation to learn new languages and be experts on it because we will gain a lot of advantages in the future. Also, every mother and father must teach their children the importance of learning.
In summation, yes, it is virtually impossible to give a complete satisfying answer to an open-ended question. Although the jury may be out of the given essay topic, we can reach mutual agreement that every bloke and student must learn the main four skills in one or two language above his own.