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TOEFL Independent Essay Sample (Small university in countryside vs. big university in city)

Sunrise011 7 / 14 7  
Nov 6, 2019   #1

effects of different school's locations

Universities, similar to businesses or firms, can take the countryside or the city as a location to set campus. However, people might argue that either location is better; providing more opportunities and entertainment spots, or allowing students to enjoy peacefulness and beautiful natural landscapes. In either case, one chooses a campus location preference based on various reasons.

Personally, I prefer a small university in the countryside. And as much as I look forward to research and work opportunities in populous cities, the countryside has its charm. I would make such a choice for two main reasons: the accessibility of hiking options in plain nature and the ability to have a greatly immersive college experience.

First, I reckon that, to have a successful stay in college, you need to have time and space for simplistic and quiet activities so as you can release some of the tension you feel with a busy schedule. And one way I find highly efficient in accomplishing the aforementioned goal is going for hikes in the peaceful countryside mountains, or merely having a picnic or doing yoga in plain nature. I can enjoy the quiet; the fresh air; and the unmatched atmosphere of nature: nice scents, birds' chants and the green wet grass. Indeed, the impact of the countryside campus setup ranges from receiving the sun when you open your windows in the morning instead of tall buildings to the invigorating feeling such setup offers at the end of a long day of work.

Second, a small university's main appeal is the proper human contact and the ever-lasting relationships you can create in four year of college for example. I find the small number of students important because it provides the opportunity to meet less a limited group of people; an opportunity that allows the student to better know their classmates and connect deeper with their peers. Moreover, the relationship between students and faculty is more personal, and hence, offer the possibility for teacher to have an impact in their students' lives. In fact, a teacher turns into a friend, knowledge gets shared more efficiently and students get to bond with their instructors, and thus, have a personally meaningful college stay.

Overall, the debate about whether small universities in the countryside are better than big universities in cities and vice versa, goes on. Criteria and arguments differ. However, the most meaningful criteria are one's personal choice and preference. And, no one can give a definitive answer to this dilemma.

I hope you can give me some pointers and rate it our of of 15. Thank you!

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 9, 2019   #2
Hi there. Thanks for coming back to the forum! Hopefully, my feedback will be beneficial for you.

First and foremost, the first paragraph lacks its fullness because you were unable to distinguish the core values that you should be promoting in the text. If you can give out more specific details, this will help improve the overall flow of your writing.

As for the body of the text itself, I have observed that certain parts of your writing still need to be substantiated and balanced out. Notice how your second paragraph appears to quite just hanging out there without a particular purpose. Try to always structure your writing this manner: thesis statement - body - conclusive remarks. In this manner, you will be able to have a more structured and prioritized approach to writing.

Transitioning from one paragraph to another should also be improved. Try to be more specific when you can to evade being too loose in the meaning of your content.

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