Hello there,
Just finished a recent TOEFL writing practice (topic included), test is coming up in a few days, I need your feedback and advice on my writing skills. Please feel free to make comments and suggestions on my work (...would be nice if anyone can point out the problems with my write-up and also ways I can make meaningful improvements...)
Any help will be greatly appreciated...
Thank you so much in advance.
TOEFL Independent Writing Topic:
Do you agree or disagree: the most effective way for governments to encourage energy conservation is to increase the price of gasoline and electricity?
Response:
To push people into using less energy by simply raising the price is a neither effective nor everlasting means. So, I totally disagree with the statement and reasons are as follows.
First, if the governments increase the price of energy, social harmony and stability will be disturbed. With gasoline and electricity more expensive, the majority of the citizens, who do not have much money left after paying routine expense, will certainly suffer a lot from a bigger energy use expenditure. Thus, there is no doubt that they will complain for such a burden and become dissatisfied to the government. However, wealthy family will not be influenced at all, since the extra money they need to pay for the increased price is so little compared to the fortune they own. They, therefore, will not limit their use of energy for such a slight change in their point of view. And these different effects brought to different social levels will enlarge the gap between the poor and the rich and exaggerate the conflicts between social status, which will lead to an unstable dangerous situation in the country.
And as far as I am concerned, setting up energy-saving standards in industry is a more initiative and effective way for governments to take. In other words, governments should publish some policies to encourage or require companies to produce commodities that will consume less energy. For example, if companies produced a car whose engine burns gasoline more efficiently, the widespread use of the car would contribute greatly to energy conservation spontaneously. And with governments' support such as money for energy-saving products' study in companies and their popularization among public, it will work out very soon and smoothly.
In addition, in the long term, educating citizens to get aware of the importance of energy conservation is the most fundamental way to achieve the goal of energy conservation. Only after the public knows their responsibility to their descendants, the country and the whole world, will they start to save energy in their daily life voluntarily. And that also means the whole society will conserve energy in all ways they can do, bringing a good result that no any other way could compare with. That is why governments have to do it anyway despite the fact that improving citizens' quality in this aspect takes long time. After all, it is worth much more than the pay the governments have to give.
According to the reasons I mentioned above, it just too hard for me to agree with the statement.
---THE END---
To push people into using less energy by simply raising the price is a neither effective nor.
I think that you in first paragraph of any essay you should introduce the problem in 2-3 sentences and states which side you will be taking. It seems very naive if you directly jumps to your side too early.
will certainly suffer a lot from a bigger energy use expenditure (there is some thing wrong in the sentence check it properly)
For example, if companies produced a car whose engine burns gasoline more efficiently, (is producing)
Although the mistakes you made in your essay are very basic but try working on them. Overall it is decent essay but it would have been more beautiful if you follow a proper format for answering like first para is for introduction then you will site few examples and provide a solution for it then again 3rd para same as 2nd then in the last para you can conclude your verdict site the reasons above.
