Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Indian-White Relationship in Colonial New England, can you check my essay


Juan8897 1 / -  
Feb 24, 2010   #1
Indian-White Relationship in Colonial New England

The Indian-White relationship had long been deteriorating, because of a growing mistrust between the colonists and the Indians. One of the reasons of this mistrust was that the colonists were taking advantage of the good will of the Indians. The King Phillip's war was a conflict between the Native Americans and the colonists. This conflict was the result of many mistreatments toward the Indians perpetrated by the colonist. The King Phillip's war was a justified war. Many factors contributed to the outbreak of this war, for example many Indians felt that they did good to the colonists and that the colonists were the first doing wrong. Another factor was that Englishmen were taking advantage of the Indians when negotiating land; the colonists were also intervening in Native Americans politics by disinheriting kings that were not selling land to them and appointing kings who were more friendly to the colonist.

When the colonists arrived to area of New England to settle, the Indian tribe of Wampanoag helped them.
When the English first their King father [Massasoit] was a great man and the English a little child, He constrained other Indians from wronging the English and gave them corn and showed them how to plant and was free to do them any good and had let them had 100 times more land than now the king has for its own people. (A.S. 58)

After the colonists settled and became comfortable in the area, they started to take advantage of their neighbors; the colonists would buy land from the Indians at bargain prices by first getting them drunk and then cheated the Indians when they made the deal, or the English government would simply gave the land to the colonists. The colonists were also letting their cattle run free through the Indian territories, the cattle was destroying the Indian plantations of corn and leaving them hungry for the winter. The colonist's puritans were also trying to convert the Native Americans into their religion; this created friction between the two communities because the colonists were trying to impose their religion over the Indians.

The colonists were also intervening in Native American politics by assigning or removing kings that did not benefit the colonial interests "Their Kings brother when he was king came miserably to die by being forced to court, as they judged poisoned," (A.S. 58) The colonists called King Phillip to court where the colonists told him basically to desist any acts of aggression toward the colonists or they would be force to ask him to lay down his arms. This court session wasn't really looking a solution to the problem that the Native Americans were having with the colonists. The colonists were only seeing the effect that Indian arm-discontent but they were not interested in cause of this discontented the reasons that have caused the Indians to become aggressive. The colonists have an attitude of what they do is right and what other people do is wrong.

The Indians attack the town and were provoking the colonists into a conflict; they destroyed some towns, killed many colonists and abduct others. The Indians started the war with no reason, they were barbarous. The colonists were trying to teach the Indians the Christian way; they bought the Indians land. The colonists were good. The colonists tried to solve the problem between the Native Americans and them by taking the Indian king to court. The Indian aggressiveness grew all the way to a war that did not have any provocation by the part of the colonists.

The King Phillips war was the result of colonialist's ambitions and arrogance. The war could had been avoided if the colonist would have look at the cause of discontent of the Native Americans and try to work on solving this problem, instead of arrogantly looking at what the Indian were doing but not asking why they were doing. The King Phillips war was a justified act of defense done by the Indians since they had been left without land, food, political and social identity, they were being force to change their way of life.

hellokitty930 3 / 8  
Feb 25, 2010   #2
The Indian-White relationship had long been deteriorating, because of a growing mistrust between the colonists and the Indians. I would try to first start the essay by rewording 'Indian-White', try: The relationship between the Native Americans and Colonists or American Settlers and Native Americans. One of the reasons of this mistrust was that the colonists were taking advantage of the good will [offered by] the Indians. [Add some examples of how the Native Americans were being hospitable] [Insert a transition]The King Phillip's war was a conflict between the Native Americans and the colonists. This conflict was the result of many mistreatments [how were they mistreated] toward the Indians perpetrated by the colonist. The King Phillip's war was a justified war.[Unnecessary try adding your commentary after you state examples] Many factors contributed to the outbreak of this war, for example many Indians felt that they did good to the colonists and that the colonists were the first doing wrong. Another factor was that Englishmen were taking advantage of the Indians when negotiating land; the colonists were also intervening in Native Americans politics by disinheriting kings that were not selling land to them and appointing kings who were more friendly to the colonist.

When the colonists arrived to area of New England to settle, the Indian tribe of Wampanoag helped them. [The word factor, and 'reason' is used often, try to combine some sentences.]

When the English first their King father [Massasoit] was a great man and the English a little child, He constrained other Indians from wronging the English and gave them corn and showed them how to plant and was free to do them any good and had let them had 100 times more land than now the king has for its own people. (A.S. 58)

After the colonists settled and became comfortable in the area, they started to take advantage of their neighbors; the colonists would buy land from the Indians at bargain prices by first getting them drunk and then cheated the Indians when they made the deal, or the English government would simply gave the land to the colonists. The colonists were also letting their cattle run free through the Indian territories, the cattle was destroying the Indian plantations of corn and leaving them hungry for the winter. The colonist's puritans were also trying to convert the Native Americans into their religion; this created friction between the two communities because the colonists were trying to impose their religion over the Indians.

The colonists were also intervening in Native American politics by assigning or removing kings that did not benefit the colonial interests "Their Kings brother when he was king came miserably to die by being forced to court, as they judged poisoned," (A.S. 58) The colonists called King Phillip to court where the colonists told him basically to desist any acts of aggression toward the colonists or they would be force to ask him to lay down his arms. This court session wasn't really looking a solution to the problem that the Native Americans were having with the colonists. The colonists were only seeing the effect that Indian arm-discontent but they were not interested in cause of this discontented the reasons that have caused the Indians to become aggressive. The colonists have an attitude of what they do is right and what other people do is wrong.

The Indians attack the town and were provoking the colonists into a conflict; they destroyed some towns, killed many colonists and abduct others. The Indians started the war with no reason, they were barbarous. The colonists were trying to teach the Indians the Christian way; they bought the Indians land. The colonists were good. The colonists tried to solve the problem between the Native Americans and them by taking the Indian king to court. The Indian aggressiveness grew all the way to a war that did not have any provocation by the part of the colonists.

The King Phillips war was the result of colonialist's ambitions and arrogance. The war could had been avoided if the colonist would have look at the cause of discontent of the Native Americans and try to work on solving this problem, instead of arrogantly looking at what the Indian were doing but not asking why they were doing. The King Phillips war was a justified act of defense done by the Indians since they had been left without land, food, political and social identity, they were being force to change their way of life.

Juan Avila

****I gave some advice on the first paragraph. Please try looking over your essay and use transitional sentences so the essay can flow better. Also, there were some grammatical errors within your essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 26, 2010   #3
You can't just start by saying something had been some way without saying "when" you are talking about:
When (something something something), the Indian-White relationship had long been...

I agree with hellokitty about not saying "indian-white!! It seems like a terrible term. :-)

When the colonists arrived to area of New England to settle, the Indian tribe of Wampanoag helped them. ---- is this sentence the only sentence in the paragraph? It should be the second sentence, and it should be preceded by a topic sentence that tells the main idea of the paragraph.

The Indian aggressiveness grew all the way to a war that did not have any provocation by the part of the colonists.--- this sentence is not quite right, because you are arguing that they did indeed provoke it. I know what you mean, but the sentence should be revised.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Indian-White Relationship in Colonial New England, can you check my essay