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Task 2 - Some individuals believe that studying at university or college is the best route

hoa123 2 / 2  
Sep 7, 2018   #1

pros and cons of study

"Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to the successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views."

After graduated high school, many people attends universities or colleges for higher education diploma, while some get a job right away. There are benefits and drawbacks in both routes.

When attend classes in universities, firstly, you get to learn theories or skills and gain knowledge of how to be successful in the field that you choose. Secondly, you can make more connections with people that go to the same school with you. Thirdly, in today's market, many companies want to employ people based on their academic background and their resume. In some universities, they offer internships for their students, which can also elevate their students' resumes. In contrast, you have to invest in thousands of dollars for two to four years of education.

On the other hand, the advantage of having a job straight after secondary school is that you can experience more while working in the career that you chose, and earn some money, which you can save up and buy a house earlier than people that go off to college, not only that, you can also start a new family and settle down earlier. However, you may have to experience failures from the mistakes that you can avoid through classes in universities. Also, people that go to work right after high school can also be limited with choices of career, because of the academic qualifications that many companies have and their inexperience.

In conclusion, there are pros and cons in both decisions that people could make after high school.
aimal 1 / 3  
Sep 7, 2018   #2
replace graduated by graduation
your opening statement is not good.
it is be some thing like this
There are two types of people some people start join universities after school and the other start business of find a job.
HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Sep 7, 2018   #3
Hi Hoa
Your content is good; however, there are grammar mistakes in your essay.

1/ You say "many people attends" , I believe that it should be "attend" instead. And there are so many repeated words in your essay.
2/ The 1st paragraph, we use V-ing after "when". And It should be a (.) instead of (,) when you indicated your first point of view. You did well with the 2nd, the 3rd view points.

3/ Your discussion ideas (pros and cons) are unclear and there are no opening sentence as well as closing sentence for each paragraph.
4/ Your conclusion paragraph is too short.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,742 3794  
Sep 8, 2018   #4
Hoa, why are you discussing pros and cons in an essay that is asking you to discuss "both points of views"? Pros and cons are a totally separate prompt instruction. When public points of view are mentioned, such as in this essay, you are supposed to stick to only a comparison discussion of the essay based on the given prompt information. For this essay, the two discussion reasons for the body of paragraphs should have been limited to:

1. Studying at university or college is the best route to the successful career
2. Others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school

Your actual discussion has too many superfluous topics for discussion when the above 2 reasons where all the reasons you needed to justify in the presentation. This would have helped to show that you understood the instructions and the focus of the discussion without having to go overboard with your discussion topics.

All of your paragraphs carry topic sentences but no justifiable reasons for your presentation. A completely developed paragraph needs to have valid explanations and samples that support the given statement. However, since you just kept enumerating reasons rather than properly discussing its supporting data, all of your paragraphs are under developed, not very coherent, and definitely not concise presentations. Good work on the transition sentence in your second paragraph though. It was well developed and clear in thought presentation.

Had you focused your essay on a single defensive topic for each point of view, your essay would have been better off and above the word count in a good way. Writing only 250 words indicates a lack of English vocabulary on your part because you did not even try to write more words, at least 275, in order to show your LR skills to the reviewer, which could have been used to increase your overall score.

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