Individuals vs. environment - PRACTICE IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ESSAY TYPE AGREE OR DISAGREE

hello friends
please help for my exercise to be powerful essay
thanks

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. only large companies and business can make a difference.

to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, only huge enterprise and venture can make a difference the circumstance although persons have been as much as possible to fix that. There benefits to looking at both sides of this issue, but I do not believe that this has been good statement for the following reasons. I will promote that the vicinity more protected by humankind than the corporate.

On the proponent side, the enermous corporation can create the good environment. This is because they have a lot of money and indemnify that they have done to nature such as tree planting since waste disposal. In addition, they can fix the circumstance for example, pay some communities or unemployment to join with them. As result produce a lot of tree to be green open space in around building. The government more easier to give an permission for this action.

However, the opponent side to this argue is every human can contribute to their circumstance. This is due to the fact that small steps of people's action will have impact on the environment. For example, make a hole of biopori which to help the water absorb easily into the soil. Consequently, this act to minimize the occurrence of natural disasters such as flood. The authority should support about this program for endorse green campaign in each side of the city.

In brief, from that statement have an advantages to see both sides, yet I can not to encourage this issue and conserve the environment by society than enterprise. Therefore I more likely to opponent this statement since individuals can contribute to enviroment. This would better if all humans including enterprise to cooperate each other.

Hi Riandi, as I go through the essay, I must say you made quiet an argument here, you made sure that both side will be justified and the reasons you backed them up with are very realistic, it happens in real life and they are currently happening in todays world.

However, I believe this argumentative essay can still be enhanced.
What I noticed is that, it seemed that you are fond of using too many words in the sentences and they tend to clash, for future writing reference, it pays to be simple but direct in our essays, the more conversational and straight forward the essay is, the more readers and understanding you're going t get.

Having said that, please find the corrections below;

- Nowadays, only huge enterprises
- and venturecompanies can
- make a difference thein this circumstance
- although persons have been as much as possible to fix thatI believe that this is everybody's responsibility .
- There benefits to looking at both sides of this issue.
- but I do not believe that this has been good statement for the following reasons.- this phrase will not be necessary
- I will promotebelieve that the vicinity
- are more protected
- by humankindindividuals than
- the corporate people .

There Riandi, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.