Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 Industrial and business center relocation


Ahmadham 4 / 11 7  
May 3, 2017   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

optimal location for business and industrial facilities



Some governments in several countries highly support that the industry and business center ought to be relocated to the outskirt area. This essay would argue that the drawbacks of the policy far outweigh the benefit.

On one hand, the main benefit of industrial and business relocation is decreasing volume of traffic congestion in the city. When the policy is held, goods distribution track is shifting and some roads in the city are no longer to be used by many vehicles. Besides, as the idea comes into effect, the employees automatically migrate to area nearby the building location, leading to a decreasing population rate in the left area. For example, since Indofood, one of food manufacturers in Indonesia, located in Bekasi, has been moved far from the city, the city is free from traffic problem. However, this might create a new congestion spot in the place where the factories are to be built.

On the other hand, the drawback which may appear when moving the industry and enterprise in the suburban area is environmental pollution. Industrial buildings certainly produce either liquid or gasses waste, which are often disposed improperly. Also, in the proposed place, air pollution will take place because of emitted fumes from a great number of vehicles used by employees. A report from CNN, pollutant index in Venezuela gets worst since one of the biggest companies has been relocated there. Sooner or later, the condition will bring the citizens living there at risky health, which in turn, threatens their life. This means that the demerit overpower the merit.

To conclude, even though there is a benefit of the relocation of business and industry, it seems to me that the policy has a more significant drawback.
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
May 4, 2017   #2
Hi,
Firstly, I notice that the word counts are less than 250, which is below the test requirement.
Then, although you support the drawbacks are outweigh the benefits, I cannot feel this argument from your essay. You did mentioned that the new spot may cause traffic jam, but it is too short to explain the thought you want to express. My suggestion is, if time is enough, you can write one more paragraph regarding the disadvantage, which can clear support your opinion.

On the other hand, I think it is really good that you have some examples. These are the strong back up of your point of view!

Hope it helps!
kevin1983 5 / 8  
May 21, 2017   #3
@Ahmadham

However, this might create a new congestion spot ...

I think this can be expanded, or write more consequences about relocation.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 Industrial and business center relocation