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IELTS 2 : what if the industries are moved to rural regions?

ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Feb 21, 2016   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, a huge number of industrial countries plan to relocate industrial corporations from cities to countrysides. Regarding to this issue, this writing will illustrate the advantage of this municipal decision that could reduce negative emissions on nature, yet it is still below a serious negative impact of it which threatens economy condition of a nation.

Allocation of many industries in diverse sectors will benefit the environment of a metropolitan city. Industrial matters are frequent to emit dangerous chemical substances into the air, thus by doing this movement into rural regions which are still natural and not very crowded, pollutants from great machines of factories could be cut down to minimise its effects on urban ecosystems. The illustration can be seen in Japan which mostly positions huge industries like Sony, Panasonic, or Toshiba in outskirt zones, such as Hokkaido. Thereby, the positive sides of it shows that Tokyo as a capital city faces minimum trouble associated with environments.

The placement of manufacturing in tranquil areas can result in a serious drawback for the industry. These factories although are planned to be placed in wider spaces, usually witness hardships to maintain workers' productivity due to their time consumptions in transportation and to hire a huge number of new employees who mostly dwell in cities in order to gain higher salaries. This arrangement in business planning has been actualised in the Netherlands and the USA as the public officers assume that moving large factories will cause significant deficits on national development. Therefore, I would argue that positions of a factory in a metropolis are more encouraged to keep economic equilibrium since the resulted residues are possibly managed well with eco-production.

In essence, although the effect of relocation can decrease environmental issues of a country, the importance of accessibility of industries to their workers obviously outweighs that such a demerit due to its influences in national economical development.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 21, 2016   #2
This essay is very well written. I think it's important to add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and it should be a sentence that expresses the main idea. I see a very clear point that you make at the end of the essay, where are you note that it is important for facilities to be accessible to the workers. That is a strong part of your argument, and it should appear at the end of the first paragraph.

Right now the first paragraph is rather short, and you can improve the whole essay by extending it with one sentence that makes a very clear point. What is the most important reason for your opinion? Is it the accessibility? Maybe you could list a few important reasons why you hold this opinion and express them in a sentence at the end of the first paragraph so the essay will be very clear.

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