Lita, your flow of ideas is well-done and well-organized. Yet, there are still some grammatical issues and punctuation in which can possibly affect your final grade on your essay. Somehow, I notice that your essay is a little bit bulky, it consists of 381 words. I suggest that perhaps you need to reduce it at least 350 words as your maximum limit, because if you keep doing this, I am afraid that your TASK 1 time will be sacrificed, then you will not able to finish all the IELTS writing tasks completely. For a detailed explanation on your grammatical mistakes, see the corrections below.
Today, inevitably the number of people committing crime is rising.
The number of people committing crime is inevitably rising nowadays. (I replaced the order of the words to make it clear)
first and foremost is some people in the parts of the community have l
(these two verbs need connector) the first and foremost is that some people people in the parts of community have
A survey of prisoners in state prisons in the late 1990
(irrelevant fact, 2016 cannot be compared to 1990)
survive in this world. (because survive is already linked to 'life', if you put it beside survive, it is inappropriate)
In regard with
With regards to..
The government hold
The government holds...
middle-income its citizens.
(I think 'its' here is not necessary, because it did not refer to anything) middle-income citizens.
can hand them sufficient money to fulfil their daily
...can hand sufficient money for them in order to fulfill daily....
Regarding to this,...
they poor people will be
the poor people will be...
if the crime is seen in the favour of its genesis, inadequate education, unemployment as well as poverty seems to be the main reason of the problems.
(confusing sentence, remember the rule of 'if......., ........ )
If the crime is seen as the favour of its genesis, unemployment seems to be the main reason of the problems.
As you can see, I have made some corrections and feedback towards your essay. Hope this helps. Keep writing! :)