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Today, inevitably the number of people committing crime is rising. What could be done to stop it?


Lita27 16 / 21 2  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

Today, inevitably the number of people committing crime is rising. Violence has diverse types and each of them has different actions to deal with. However, looking at the big picture there are main driving forces behind some crimes. The factors lead to violence as well as the possible solutions to remedy this detrimental issue will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

Offences could be caused by several precursors. Concerning the root of crimes there are three indicators which leads to criminal growth. The first and foremost is some people in the parts of the community have low education. A survey of prisoners in state prisons in the late 1990 showed that the vast majority of the inmates never experience higher education even nearly 80% of them did not graduate from junior high schools. Due to their poor educational backgrounds, they worked mostly in low-income jobs and much times of their life are occupied with unemployment. This incapability resulted in poverty. Many violators commit crime in order to meet their basic needs to survive life. Since they lack of money, without thinking twice about the ramifications of their damaging actions, they are highly likely to break the rule.

In regard with the prevention of this problem, some measurements should be undertaken. The government hold the biggest role towards this establishment. Most importantly, government have to provide low-cost education by making it free for the poor people and subsidizing it for the low-income and middle-income its citizens. Education instils people with knowledge of wisdom and social environment caring so that they are generally well-adjusted in relating to others and are far less likely to commit crimes. Moreover, better education offers them with better jobs which can hand them sufficient money to fulfil their daily necessities. Regarding this, government should open more employment in order to absorb the human resources. As a result, they poor people will be declined as well as the phenomena of people committing the crime due to poverty.

To sum up, if the crime is seen in the favour of its genesis, inadequate education, unemployment as well as poverty seems to be the main reason of the problems. What needs to be focusing on is the actions from government that should be performed, include providing education and more job opportunities.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
Lita, your flow of ideas is well-done and well-organized. Yet, there are still some grammatical issues and punctuation in which can possibly affect your final grade on your essay. Somehow, I notice that your essay is a little bit bulky, it consists of 381 words. I suggest that perhaps you need to reduce it at least 350 words as your maximum limit, because if you keep doing this, I am afraid that your TASK 1 time will be sacrificed, then you will not able to finish all the IELTS writing tasks completely. For a detailed explanation on your grammatical mistakes, see the corrections below.

Today, inevitably the number of people committing crime is rising.

The number of people committing crime is inevitably rising nowadays. (I replaced the order of the words to make it clear)

The factors

These factors

first and foremost is some people in the parts of the community have l

(these two verbs need connector) the first and foremost is that some people people in the parts of community have

A survey of prisoners in state prisons in the late 1990

(irrelevant fact, 2016 cannot be compared to 1990)

survive life

survive in this world. (because survive is already linked to 'life', if you put it beside survive, it is inappropriate)

In regard with

With regards to..

The government hold

The government holds...

middle-income its citizens.

(I think 'its' here is not necessary, because it did not refer to anything) middle-income citizens.

can hand them sufficient money to fulfil their daily

...can hand sufficient money for them in order to fulfill daily....

Regarding this

Regarding to this,...

they poor people will be

the poor people will be...

if the crime is seen in the favour of its genesis, inadequate education, unemployment as well as poverty seems to be the main reason of the problems.

(confusing sentence, remember the rule of 'if......., ........ )
If the crime is seen as the favour of its genesis, unemployment seems to be the main reason of the problems.

As you can see, I have made some corrections and feedback towards your essay. Hope this helps. Keep writing! :)
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
Hi, lita27. nice writing, here my comments and suggestion which i focused on your first two paragraph. keep writing

Today, inevitably the number of people people committing crime is risingbetter to use present perfect since the question mention 'each year'

nice introduction with broaden lexical resource

Offences could be caused by several precursors
'offence' mean hurt feelings can use verb 'cause' but since 'offense' here mean illegal act, so the proper verbs are commit and constitute. here i suggest the sentence:

offences could be commited/constituted based on several precursors
The first and foremost is some people in the parts of the community have lowpoor education.

their life are occupied withas unemployment.
their basic needs to survive life .
they are highly most/much likely to break the rule.


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