In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys，and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Nowadays, many countries are witnessing a phenomenon that there is an increasing amount of advertising on screen which tries to tempt children to buy the goods, like snacks, toys and other things they are not necessary for them. There, therefore, appear some voices from parents that the advertisement produces some pressure on their children and some actions should be taken to change this situation. Personally, I am with such a view.
Admittedly, as said by the advertisers that there are some innovative ideas and designs in some of their commercials, which may inspire children and improve their imagination. However, the side effect is far more serious and can not be ignored by us. That is, the temptation to buy the goods is not from the children's inside real desire, but from the persuasion, which, obviously, is likely to make them dependent psychologically. In a long term, the kids will be grown up with a weak ability of judgment and self-distrust.
In fact, the parents' worries are rational and evidence-based. First of all, in order to attract as many customers as possible, some advertising describes the goods beyond what they are, which will make the children distrust others and even the society when they find out that what they bought is different what it said. As a result, there will be more hatred and suspicion to the society among them.
Another point should be considered that a large sum of money must be supplied by the parents to satisfy their children's desire for more material. If their parents refuse to give them money, some of them may take some unpleasant ways to resolve the problems, like cheating, stealing, in some extreme case, even robbing and killing others. For example, a 12-year-old boy at a secondary school in our province, knocking his grandma down and taking away all her savings to buy an electronic game device, confessed that he could not control his urge to get one because he was induced by advertising.
In conclusion, persuasive advertisements can mislead children and give rise to a series of social and family problems. So, governments should take some measures to avoid worse things happening. The earlier, the better.
It seems you follow a good structure for your introduction. However, why you particularly mention about advertising on screen -
.... Advertising is not limited to screen alone, there are audio advertisements as well. Try not to narrow down your scope of your topic when you introduce it to the reader.
You should give specific examples to support your reasoning.
For example, a 12-year-old boy at a secondary school in our province , knocking his grandma down and taking away all her savings to buy an electronic game device, confessed that he could not control his urge to get one because he was induced by advertising.
i think you should give example more specific, because examiner does not where do you come from.
Thanks,dumi,
Advertising is not limited to screen alone, there are audio advertisements as well. Try not to narrow down your scope of your topic when you introduce it to the reader.
Yes, I should notice that. I will remember that.
You should give specific examples to support your reasoning
Ok, that's right I should give some examples to support what I said.
Good post, people have to reflect on this matter. But everything has a good and bad side, we have to do is to carry forward the good side of it, and improve it worse on the other side.
There, therefore, appear some voices from parents that the advertisement produces some pressure on their children and some actions should be taken to change this situation
it should be "appears"
That is, the temptation to buy the goods is not from the children's inside real desire, but from the persuasion, which, obviously, is likely to make them dependent psychologically
this sentence is kinda mixed up a bit with a lot of clauses, you should have a look at the sentence structure :) \
Furthermore, your essay is 364 words which is over 300 words. I suppose that with such long essay whether you are able to arrange your time 40 minutes to write it. You should have your essay between 250 to 300 to save your time :D
Hope these advice can help you progress your writing skill :D
