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[TOEFL] For me the influence of my friends was more highlighted than impact of the school


marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 8, 2013   #1
[TOEFL] students influenced by teacher or by friends?

Can anyone please evaluate me and estimate my grade on the TOEFL exam? Thank you

School is a place where a student spends a large part of his time here. However in the school there are two group of people he has contact with: the teachers and the students. In order to decide whether the teachers or the friends have more influence on child, we should go over our school days memories. For me the influence of my friends was more highlighted.

In most of the schools there is a formal relation between a student and his teacher. The teachers would prefer to spend the class time to work on the academic issues rather than making friendly relation with each student. Thus his friends are the one who he spends his free time to discuss his daily events and interests to find some in common aspects with each other. Unconsciously he would try to look alike his friend and this is the influence that I mentioned. Take me as an example. I had a friend in high school, named Mary. We were so much close friends that when we get home from school, we spent nearly an hour to talk on phone. Although my mother did not support my friendship with her, but she had such a large influence on me that I did not admit my mother's idea. Little by little my manners were changed. I changed into a lazy, anxious child and I always disobeyed my parents, exactly the manners that Maria showed towards her parents.

In addition, for a child in a friendly environment like a classroom, if he does not treat the same as his friends, he would find himself lonely. Usually children think that if they do not act like their classmates, they would isolate him, and this fear of loneliness would force them to accept many things that they do not admit inside their heart. Consider a group of students who want to play a joke on their teacher. If one of the group members decides to tell on them, they would find him disloyal and would not let him to be a member of their group any more. So in order to socialize in this small society, named class room, the students would try to adapt themselves with other classmates. This is another feature of the influence that friends can have on each other

In conclusion, the influence of friends on the child's behavior is much more than the teachers. Maybe to prevent the harmful effects that child's friends would have on his behavior it is said to parents that "try to be your children's best friend".

huyentrang 2 / 9 2  
Sep 9, 2013   #2
Would prefer to do st rather than (do) st else
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 9, 2013   #3
?excuse me???I could not under stand you
ramshah 11 / 27 5  
Sep 9, 2013   #4
We were so much close friends that when we get home from school
We were so much close friends that when we got home from school
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 10, 2013   #5
Dear ramash
thank you for your correction. would you mind reading the whole text and correcting it?
because in this condition when you just give one advise, you take my thread out of unanswered threads without even getting useful advices from others.

Thanks
ramshah 11 / 27 5  
Sep 10, 2013   #6
You have made many grammatical mistakes. You should work further on your grammar. Your grammatical mistakes distract me from paying attention to your content. Here are some corrections:

School is a place where a student spends a large part of his time here.
I would say: School is a place where students spend a large part of their time there

However in the school there are two groups of people he has contact with

There is no point in using "the" in many sentences in your essay. Go read about the uses of "the" carefully. When you're talking about some nouns in a general sense, you should not use "the":

In order to decide whether the teachers or the friends have more influence on child

they would find him disloyal and would not let him to be a member of their group any more
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 10, 2013   #7
Can't you be more polite and just try to help your friend instead of humiliating? I would be glad not to see any of your comments on my threads
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Sep 10, 2013   #8
It would be great if you can provide the complete task. Did the prompt ask you to discuss? Agree or disagree?
Those are essential for us to properly guage the content of your essay. Thanks.
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 10, 2013   #9
dear gmad
I was asked to discuss whether students are more influenced by their teachers or by their friends.
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Sep 11, 2013   #10
In that case, you should have discussed both sides and give your opinion on the matter. Your structure
should be like this:
paragraph2:how teachers can be influential to students
paragraph3: how students influence their classmates
paragraph4:conclusion,which one you think is more influential
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 11, 2013   #11
thanks. how about my overall writing? did it has many mistakes?what about using vocanbulary properly?
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Sep 11, 2013   #12
sad to say, yes you do need to work on harder with grammar and word selection.

a)start with learning the articles a,an,the, and their differences
b)be keen on subject predicate relation, if subject is plural verb should be in plural form also
c)observe uniformity of verb tense within a sentence

try to read about them, or browse through the works of others in this forum.

hope this helps...
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 11, 2013   #14
School is a place where a student spends a large part of his time here

School is the place where a student spends a large portion of his or her day.

However in the school there are two group of people he has contact with:

.... this can be presented with better clarity if uou change the order;
However, there are two groups of people who come into contact with him or her in the school.

Can't you be more polite and just try to help your friend instead of humiliating? I would be glad not to see any of your comments on my threads

Well.... I think that person has tried to help you with improving your writing. You would have found it a bit impolite, but, since this is an open forum for everybody express their views, you too need to be polite on people who try to help you.
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 12, 2013   #15
Dear dumi, I have an exam 18 days later, and you know how some body can destroy other one's self confidence.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 12, 2013   #16
Yes... I do understand your feeling. But everybody is not the same dear. I am a person who is careful about other's sentiments but some are more straight forward than me. Some times they do that with good intention of telling their true feelings. So, take things in a positive note so long as such comments are not abusive. I think you are pretty prepared for the task and keep practising with time. I shall provide you with my comments in your futur threads. I was in overseas last 3 weeks and hence couldn't come online often.

Cheers
Dumi
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 14, 2013   #17
I would glad to see your comments.


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