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Influence of neighborhood on the growth of children

nigerimage 1 / 2  
Feb 22, 2013   #1
i need help this my essay
Nowadays, people tough that children success depend of the neighborhood they will grow up. Thus, parents do their best to found an ideal neighborhood for their children. Even with that some neighborhood may have diverse scenario, such us, negative and positive aspects. Thus, it could have huge consequences raising our children.

Despite their similarities, these neighborhoods are different. Life in some insidious neighborhood's environment is so scary. That's could demonstrate, it wasn't an appropriate place to raise children. For example, we consider in that kind of neighborhood was a refugees of drug dealer, gangsta, out of law and illegal guns users. Its more than enough form these examples to show, how these kind of neighborhood were inappropriate for our children education .The worst thing was, even the parents grew up in the conditions, so how could think the children would be better? The consequence was the neighborhood is become illiterate over years. They don't study and became useless, because neighborhood is going from bad to worst inexorably. I knew a 16 years old African. He entered in USA from Togo. Tam, a little polite boy seen his life turned nightmare by following and hung out with these neighborhood boys. He became a rebel to his parent don't listen to anyone no more and brought worst grade from school. As the situation was getting, Tam's parents decided to send him back To Africa or in Navy army. as the misfortune does not come by itself, in morning of Sunday, Tam tried to rob a 74 years old woman with a knife. He did the dirty work and got arrested by police. Tam was sent at jail and had been sentence for 20 years into the prison. In addition to that example, Wes 2 lived in very complicated area. The main activity was selling drugs. The usually drop at school and they had free time to do bad activity without the knowledge of their parents. If that neighborhood was safe and peaceful, Wes would be saved from those kind activities. In clear certain neighborhood doesn't offer a good environment for them to grow up to become tomorrow's future. On the other hand, every aware parent would like see their children grow up in a parfait environmental conditions. Parent had to work hard to gather all the conditions the kids want. For example, parent must be stable financially. Then they would found a very nice neighborhood which would have nice schools, central park and stadium. This kind would only have nice neighbors obsoletely. We all knew that a child education is the whole village issues. Thus, this kind of neighborhood would you watching and observed your child behaviors. Furthermore, children would learn good things from school thru the neighborhood. According the Philadelphia Inquirer," Southwest Philadelphia from Sunday, April, 5, 1998 written by McCauley "In spite of my grievances, I do enjoy where I now live. My children are growing up in an environmental somewhat free of the chaos and violence that exists in some oh Philadelphia's neighborhoods: the school system is providing a more-than adequate education; and there is a veritable education smorgasbord of community sponsored activities and sports programs." The showed his need to save his children from the life's vortex. If it's a choice it will be nice to provide our children a luxurious future to be saved from the lost generation. As we said earlier, a children future will need everybody effort, whatever its nature as long as it is beneficial to educate our children. I think that it's primordial to help our children by telling them to things right and it's right either to ask us what their concern are. All these would contribute to solve our children future and grow up normally.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 23, 2013   #2
Nowadays, people toughthink that children's success dependsonthe neighborhood they will grow up.

Thus, parents do their best tofound find an ideal neighborhood for their children.

.... you need to keep this in present tense

Even with that some neighborhood may have diverse scenario, such us, negative and positive aspects.

.... this sentence is not structured properly... it has a few inappropriate words and your idea is also not very clear to the reader :(

Thus, it could have huge consequencesmajor impact on raising ourthe children.

Despite their similarities, these neighborhoods are different.

.... what are the similarities?
Well, throughout the essay, there is a problem with clarity of your sentences. They don't convey your message properly. I suggest you to write simple sentences with more simple vocabulary. Don't use the key words that you are not very familiar with. They may give a total different expression.
OP nigerimage 1 / 2  
Feb 23, 2013   #3
thank you so very much
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Feb 25, 2013   #4
hai Ibrahim...

You have some good points, as Dumi pointed out it didnt come out nicely..

Try to seperate the paragraphs wih double. Especially in the small screen of mobiles it seems to be conjusted.

Read more and more essays..

OP nigerimage 1 / 2  
Feb 26, 2013   #5
thank u tessy and i will

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