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IELTS Essay: Influence of parents to boys and girls

Ann Ngo 3 / 5 1  
Dec 23, 2017   #1
Boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons to support your opinion.

Both Parents Affect Children equally?

People often contend that boys are under the greatest influence of their father while the mother has the most significant impacts on their girls. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this idea.

Right after being aware of their gender, children were attracted by parental actions, in which the same-sex influence was of the much more popularity. Day by day, they noticed the way their parents communicate to each other, react to life situations, handle with their work, play with them, and they mimic everything from their parents to gradually form their personality.

Most boys think that they were born to be brave, strong, powerful, who do the big things and will become breadwinners like their father. They idolize their father and see them as the strongest model, especially during their childhood. Trying to imitate their father's actions give them the feeling of becoming a real man. Boys are the most loyal followers of their father in both playing sport and cheering sports matches.They show their interest in sports since the early ages and consider physical activities needing much strength not a topic for girls. Another example that worth discussing relates to colors. By looking at their parent's daily clothes, they can jump to the conclusion about the color distinction between girls and boys that the colors used by their father are also for men and colors like pink, red will be definitely out of their color board.

By contrast, maternal influence is shown the most clearly in the girls' personality. Little girls admire their mother not only by their sacrifice, diligence, tolerance, and faithfulness but also by their wealth of knowledge. From the girls' eyes, the greatest teacher, the best chef, the most interesting storyteller, the smartest financial manager and the most reliable friend is the same person- their mother. The significant mother-daughter relationship affects the behavior as well as emulation of girls. If the mother is a modest woman, so is her girl; if the mother is a successful, but arrogant businesswoman, their girl may be hardly friendly and sociable.

To conclude, although gen decides mostly the difference between the two sexes as well as the similarity in terms of personality between the same-sex members in a family, children are still affected by both their parents and use parents as a place of emotional repairs. This influence does not extend across gender limits.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,590 2493  
Dec 24, 2017   #2
Ann, this essay has a number of problems that will affect its ability to get a proper passing score in an actual test setting. The major problem of the essay lies in the irregular sentence number per paragraph. There is a maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph. You have paragraphs that number 6 sentences which means points will be deducted in the consider of your TA score. You also have run-on sentence presentations throughout the essay. This creates 2 sentences in a number of paragraphs instead of the minimum 3 sentences. Yes, points will again be deducted for that error. Always aim to have 3-5 sentences per paragraph in order to fall within the TA scoring considerations.

A properly formatted sentence and paragraph will also help you create a proper simple and complex sentence structure for the GRA scoring considerations. Keeping the sentences and paragraphs of the appropriate lengths may also help you create a more coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation since you will be focusing your discussion on a single, complete idea per paragraph.

Be aware of the words you are typing. Always proofread and edit your paper for possible mistakes in sentence presentation, vocabulary use, and spelling. In your conclusion, you said "gen" when you meant to say "gender". While "gen" may be slang term in your country, an academic essay test requires you to use academic and formal language at all times. Your presentation is strong in terms of reasoning, but has a number of problems that weaken that impression as indicated above.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Dec 24, 2017   #3
Hi Ann, I would like to offer you an opening paragraph for your reference.

Parents have the profound impact on their children. Some suggest that father figures always have the influential effect on boys and girls are more likely to be influenced by mother characters. In this essay, I completely disagree with the statement and will elaborate my reasoning as follows.

Hope that helps.
OP Ann Ngo 3 / 5 1  
Dec 24, 2017   #4
Your comment is always helpful, and I will write it again based on your contribution. Many thanks, Mr. Holt

Thanks Jimmy for your constructive contribution! I checked your essay already!

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