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IELTS Writing Task 2- Influence of television and computer games on children.

Thanh Nguyen 1 / -  
Jun 15, 2018   #1
Topic: Some people believe that time spent on television video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TV shows and video games - any benefits for kids?

Watching TV and playing video games are two of most important children's leisure activities since the turn of new millennium. However, there has been an intense debate regarding whether they are beneficial or harmful for children. From my personal perspective, they would bring more negative impact on kids than positive one.

Admittedly, TV shows and video games are of great educational and entertaining benefits. In fact, there is a large number of educational and inspirational TV programs which enable children to have fun in the learning process and facilitate their intellectual development. "Ten thousand questions", for example, is one of such programs providing knowledge involving not only natural science but also social life, thereby helping foster the young the morally values and outlook the world and life. Additionally, recreation is for sure a crucial function of television and computer. They are enjoyable for children of all age as they are the great way to relieve stresses after long-hour studying at school.

However, the negative consequences relating to physical and mental health caused by these technologies should not be overlooked. One of the downsides is that spending too much time on watching TV and using computer may give rise to sedentary lifestyles. Kids being couch potato would be isolated from the real world. This is because they do not have enough time to socialize and to engage with outdoor activities which are essential for their physical growth. Also, their eyesight might be weekened by staring at the screen so long. More over, arguable contents on TV will lead to unanticipated implication on children's later life. Children trait is curiousity, hence they would be impressionable and imitate violent actions and sexual scenes in movies and video games. This would obviously exert detrimental influence on kids development.

In conclusion, although the widespread technologies benefits children in learning and entertaining, the undesirable effects on children's health and development should also be taken into consideration. Parents should take time to guide and supervise these important activities.
fang0396 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2018   #2
In my opinion, I think that the pros and cons of TV and computer games are clearly stated in the passage. However, your stance is not completely discussed and displayed in the article.
pshah24 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2018   #3
I feel that you should lengthen the introduction and conclusion to start off with. Also, add another point to strengthen the argument you are making. I also can not tell if you are pro video games and TV or against it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 16, 2018   #4
Thi, you misunderstood the prompt requirements. You were being asked to discuss both points of view from a general perspective / reasoning before you presented a discussion of your personal opinion. This is evidenced by the prompt instruction indicating:

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

From the way you presented your thesis statement, it became evident that you were discussing only your point of view rather than the two point of view plus personal opinion discussion because you indicated an opinion immediately that stated:

From my personal perspective,

The proper thesis statement for this essay is:
In this essay, I shall examine both discussion points as supported by each group prior to the presentation of my personal opinion.

You have to remember that the opening statement is only a representation of your understanding of the original discussion. It should never contain a personal opinion or begin a discussion of the presentation as there is no time to further develop your explanation in the paragraph based on the 5 sentence maximum presentation per paragraph. The general discussion should only be done in the 3 body paragraph. Don't forget to show ownership of the discussion in this type of essay discussion as well. Ownership terms need to indicate what opinion is being discussed and from whose point of view. So you could say:

"There are a group pf parents who believe that... because...

The dissenting point of view indicates...

My point of view is that..."

By showing ownership, you will be able to better highlight the clarity and coherence of your discussion. Don't forget to use transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to help introduce the next topic for discussion to the reader. It makes for a smoother read and allows for a higher GRA score.

Try to avoid presenting long sentences that separates discussions using a comma. Short sentences that presents connected discussions have a better chance of improving your overall score. Present at least 3 sentences each time and you will have a better scoring consideration for sure.

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